hey laura, drop dead

oh alright, blog audience, i will. and i deserve it! why? because it has been over a month since i've updated my blog. DISGUSTING!! in fact almost two months!! i am ashamed of myself. and am probably the worst blogger ever. but from this point forward i hope to never go this long without updating.


now! a new addition to my blog that i am excited about. and since it's my blog i can do whatever i want. so since i am english teaching minor i get to take english classes and read a lot of things that make me think and that are really just thought provoking. and so i realized that i've been writing all these things down in my spiral that i take notes in, but then at the end of the semester i just throw the notebook away. and this has been a common problem as long as i've been in college. or i suppose educated at all. so what good are all my thoughts and quotes? what difference do they make? none, that's what. and maybe they don't make that much of a difference here, but it's certainly far more than if they were in the trash. 

so here goes:

-so there's this short story called "the things they carried" by this guy named tim o'brien. and the thing that struck me most about the whole story was this line that said, "they carried ghosts." how intriguing is that? it's basically like a military story set in vietnam and talks about the guns they carry and military related items, but also all the sentimental items that remind them of humanity and home. they carried ghosts. things that weren't real. just memories. hopes. and it just made me think what ghosts i carry in my own life. what things do i hold on to for whatever reason that i should just let go of. i guess sometimes we just can't because they give us this inexplicable comfort that we need, however deluded it is. 

-From T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland "Where are the roots that clutch, what branches grow out of this stony rubbish? Son of man, you cannot say, or guess, for you know only a  heap of broken images" woah. i don't even know if i know what that means. but i am certainly sure that it's deep. 

-this kid's haiku that was in my group: "my still owl sits/forever to keep books of my branch/from falling like leaves. 

-Gwendolyn Brooks' poem We Real Cool 

We real cool. We

Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

yeah, i'm certain that i'm real cool. i don't know why i love 

that. for some reason i just feel like it's epic. all i can think of is how it ends with, we die soon. 

-The poem Luke Havergal

-"Well I like to eat,sleep,drink, and be in love. I like to work, read, learn, and understand life" -Langston Hughes i 

love that. like more than i love a whole lot of stuff. you get me, langston hughes. 

-From the poem Lady Lazarus by 'ol Sylvia Plath "Out of the ash/I rise with my red hair/And I eat men like air." this is the only 

thing that has ever made me wish i had red hair. i eat men 

like air. 

-Aldous Huxley saying that reading Edgar Allan Poe is like wearing diamond rings on all your fingers. lolz

this concludes my english 251 related rambles.

stuff that is currently what's up:

-these brownie things my roommate lauren makes that have oreos baked into them. uhhh chya

-"you look....like....a lesbian." says bryniffer to my roommate decked out in cornrows 

-a little video called "neature walk." seriously stop what you're doing and go look it up right now. and then watch episode 2. gee dangit. it's pretty neat. 

-the video called david blane street magic, episodes 2&3 

-justin freaking bieber. my newest song obsession of his is a little ditty called "favorite girl." aahhhh yeeahhhh. if you hate him then clearly you haven't seen his movie. in regular or 3D. which you should rectify immediately. 

-just eating in general. eating is so great. 

-byu basketball team!!!! omg i'm one of their biggest fans. seriously, i am. 

-the funnyordie video called bieber or die. bahahaha

yup, these things are what's up

-something i hate: girls that wear bedazzled jeans. homegirls, i hate you. 

transitionnnnnnnnn

i whip my hair back and forth. but no, really i do. only not for long because i have decided that in the relatively near future that i am going to cut my hair a good amount of short. why you ask? (well maybe you don't, but you're still gonna hear it) since i was like 16 or 17 i've been wanting to cut my hair short. but for various reasons i haven't been able to/i've been too scared. really for like the past year and a half or so it's really only been because i am scared. and then i decided that me being scared is not a good enough reason not to do anything. unless i'm like afraid for my safety or physical/emotional well being. but cutting my hair does not fall under any of these categories. and maybe none of you really care about this. 

but maybe you will care about this: think of a life where you're not afraid of anything. like legitimately you're not. except growing up. lol so yeah you're like peter pan. what a tragic existence that is, really. but i can't help but think of his line, "to die would be an awfully big adventure." how fascinating. living in a world where nothing stops you and there are no limits to what you want to do and be. and other people probably don't limit you either, because you're not scared of going around them. you're not scared to do what you want to do, or adapt when that doesn't work out. but being scared of growing up brings immaturity, of course, and selfishness. and of course it's fear. and maybe it's a greater fear than the usual ones that most of us experience. i imagine it would control everything you do and perhaps be just as terrifying. i don't know. i'm drifting. but really, i think a world where nothing scares me is like the most interesting thing in my life right now. 

hmmmm, these are my thoughts! and really, they're all i have. 

was that a decent update? i hope so.