so due to finals i had to take a sad little blog break. but whatever now i'm back and blogging stronger than ever to the delight/dismay of some of you. and since i've been gone for so long this is going to be one long super-blog post!
so i'm back in texas! i love texas. but i love provo, too. i've already commented on the different lives that i live in both places. and really neither one is better than the other, just different. but one of my favorite things about being back here is spending time with all my best friends and favorite humans that i grew up with. just people that have made me who i am! and really it's always like time hasn't even passed at all.
contrasts of my life
this is me and my brother with our tree at home right after thanksgiving
this is me and my sister with her tree we decorated my first day back after thanksgiving
yeah, i love them both
my view outside my window in provo (i'm missing this little guy right now!)
my view outside my window here at home!
again, i love them both! (except for the fact that my blinds in provo are sseeeeerrioouussslly jacked up.)
its just odd being here and being like yeah i don't live here, so how should i know? i don't live in this house, this city, or even this state! but then when i'm in provo i'm like well i'm not from here! how am i supposed to know?? its just such an interesting concept to me! k i swear this is the last blog post where i'll continue to yap about this.
most recent obsessions/pet peeves
-temporary tattoos!!!! i love, love, love them!! if i could get a tattoo from the age of like 17-25 i think i would probably do it in like a second. my favs have been this little one i had on my wrist and this little one behind my ear. and everyone at school can't tell if they're real or not and if they should be judging me or not. and i love when i sometimes catch people looking at them. because at that point they're like trying to size me up and decide what they think i'm all about. except i really can't think of one thing i want permanently (or ideally semi-permanently) on my skin for more than like a week. so that's the problem.
-have i mentioned how i hate when babies are in classes? (unless you go to byu you are probably unfamiliar with this phenomenon) yeah if your baby is in my class while i'm trying to learn then chances are that i hate both you and your baby. you're the worst. your baby is the worst. you should have thought about this before you had a baby at the age of 21.
-christmas music. it's the best thing ever.
-i hate when i allow things/people to make me nervous. and then as a result i usually don't feel like i come off in a way that accurately portrays me.
-i hate when i make idiot moron comments like "these are jokes" to people that i'm trying to impress. because instead of seeming funny and interesting, i seem like i have a learning disability of some sort.
- i love finding people that have the exact same sense of humor as me. (this is like the rarest thing ever.) and when i actually successfully make the joke, "these are the jokes," they actually find that, and me, funny.
-dog days are over by florence + the machine. but we all love that song, right? so whats new.
this week i had an interview for my study abroad in london for the fall. they told me it was art/writing centered and asked me to basically justify myself as a writer and submit a writing sample. so i then went into the archives of things i've written over the past few years that i liked and saved. my senior year in english v we all had to write a valedictorian speech and then read it to each other. and i really liked mine, so i saved it. and then when i was searching for a writing sample i re-read it and turns out i still really like it and i like all the thoughts and sentiments i wrote about. and i still find it to be really true. and interesting. and i thought some of you might like it, too.
so if you want to read the thoughts of an 18 year old about to embark on the next part of her life, read ahead! but if not, go do me a favor and give yourself a temporary tattoo.
Hello Class of 2009. Some of you I like, some of you I don't like, but most of you I just really don't know at all. Today is the culmination of roughly 13 years of hard work; we all have that in common. There were probably so many days we all felt like quitting, like all of this wasn't worth it, but we're all still here while half of our original class has gone by the wayside. So what kept us all here? Was it the possibility of a good job, our parents, fear, extra-curriculars, or our friends? Maybe it was a little bit of everything. But I guess it doesn't really matter because its finally over. And most of us can't even remember all the pain and suffering that went into it. Chances are when we look back we remember glimmers of teachers we liked and hated, projects that were really hard, classes we didn't like, people we loved, and fun times we had. But chances are they really are just glimmers; one big mental montage of everything we worked so hard for. And chances are you spent lots and lots of hours learning lots of things that from this point forward you will never have to know again. Which is good because you're done with it, but frustrating because it's wasted time; we had to learn it just because we had to; it was a requirement. Which means if we had spent less time in classes that didn't really have a purpose we could have been out of here even faster! The glimmers would be shorter and faster. But maybe what we were supposed to learn is that hey, it's just life, and a lot of the time you have to do things you don't want or think you need to do just because someone that has more power over you says so. Maybe part of the real world really was in high school. Or maybe the lesson was supposed to be hey, don't waste your time when it's yours to control. Theoretically you can do just about anything you want come the day after graduation, so don't waste it. And whatever you do, don't let school, or your job, or whatever you're doing become the dominant thing in your life. All those things can't love you, talk to you, hug you, keep you company, sing you a song, or make you happy in the way you always wanted to be. Sure we all want success, and many of us crave power, but at the end of the day if we've spent all our time building our empire and leave all the people that really matter, then in the end we've really lost. Success really only feels good when we have people we love around to validate it. So keep working hard, keep moving towards the things that really matter in life, stop wasting time doing things that won't matter in the next five minutes, and don't forget about the people that love you. Because chances are they're the only thing that kept you from going crazy these last roughly 13 years. And from this point forward if we're not living the life we always wanted to live, we have only ourselves to blame. Because as an “adult” but really as a human being, we now have that right. Congratulations class of 2009, we're finally free.