Tuesday, July 17, 2012

bro spotting 101

it's the moment you've all been waiting for! the blog post many people have asked me to write! this is a little post detailing how to spot "a bro," and why you shouldn't date him.


let's face it, the provo bro population is practically bursting at the seams. to be honest, it often seems to me that the bros far outnumber the nice guys. now if you don't know what a bro is i'll try to help you out. this is pretty provo specific, but perhaps others of you can apply these little pearls of wisdom to your own demographics. i know, i know. you may be asking, why does laura think she's qualified to write this kind of post?? well blogosphere, my dating experiences over the past 2 years have been pretty much exclusively with bros, so i have come to know a thing or two about their species. 


what is a bro?
well ladies, a bro is many things. "tool," and "douche bag," are also some blunt terms that are sometimes applied to bros. but just because a guy is a bro doesn't mean that he's super tool-y all the time, just probably more than most. here, let me help you out with some indicators. 


-he may or may not live at such establishments as alpine village, the new up-and-coming monstrosity in so pro (what we like to call the alpine of the south) called the village, belmont, arlington, or any place sketchy. i've heard there's a bustling bro population at king henry, as well
-there's a good chance he has money. but this certainly isn't a qualification.
-he's probably dating/wants to date who we would classify as a "ho." (See *what is a "ho?")
-he may tan. publicly or privately. (if he does tan he is DEFINITELY a bro. there's just no doubt about it.)
-he probably works out. a lot. or says he does. or wishes he did.
-he really likes to play "soda pong," meaning that he probably secretly wishes he was playing beer pong. or at least likes to party.
-he says the words, "dog," "bro," "brosky, " or "brosef" in all seriousness
-he's super obsessed with sports, and makes it a point that everyone knows it. he may even periodically shout things like, "COME ON!!!!"
-he wears hats. yall know which ones i'm talking about. not legit baseball caps (that's just kind of endearing), and not fedoras (that's just kind of gay). this is not necessarily a dead giveaway, but in my experience bros are usually pretty into hats. 
-he frequents dance parties, and hangs out at places like the loft or studio 600. he lives for the halloween alpine dance
-he loves to wear the skank top even when it's only moderately warm outside, i.e. a tank top. the skank top is pretty much a definite bro giveaway. 
-he's well dressed. he may even judge other men for being poorly dressed.
-he is open about his affinity for swearing 
-he frequently tears other people down 
-he's a big fan of the ncmo. aka, the non committal make out


does any of this sound familiar? if you know a guy that possesses 3 or more of these traits chances are that he's a bro

are all bros bad guys?
no!! definitely not! bros are fun guys! they make excellent friends! often they have your back, will defend you to the end, and always invite you to do really fun stuff. i love having bros as my friends. they're funny and can entertain you with their blatant bro-ness. just because a guy is a bro doesn't mean that he isn't a good man. (although, if there's an excess of sketchery he probably is not a good guy. you have to be the judge on that one.) the point is, have as many bro friends as you want. JUST DON'T DATE THEM. 


why shouldn't i date a bro?
oh my gosh, so glad you asked. just so many reasons. here's some bro dating advice. if you've recently started dating a bro, or are thinking about dating a bro- DON'T DO IT!!! you may find yourself thinking/saying
-"i mean he kinda comes off like a bro, but he's actually really nice!"
ladies!!! if he comes off as a bro, or kinda seems like a bro, it's because he IS a bro!!! and just because he looks really nice doesn't mean that he is really nice. move along.
-"well, he's kind of a bro right now, but i bet i can get him to settle down."
 no. no, you really can't. bros only stop being bros on their own time. usually after mannnnyyy years of being a bro, and then realizing that it's time to grow up. this cannot be rushed. chances are that he wants to hook up with you, or casually date you for a while. he probably does not want to marry you. bottom line, you can't wait for bros to stop being bros because 98% of the time, it's just not going to happen. 
-"i know i'm not his usual type, but i think that's what he needs."
you're probably right about that, but he's probably not going to see it that way. either a bro will stop being a bro on his own time, or he'll just keep being a bro and marry a ho. and they will have douche bag children that we all know and hate. simple as that.   

*what is a "ho?"
again, so glad you asked. a category provo "ho" is by no means, necessarily, skanky. she certainly, certainly could be. about half the time they are. for the most part the term "ho" is really just a way for us to classify the counterpart for the bro. and it rhymes. here are some good ways to spot a provo ho. 
-she tans
-her hair is always perfectly curled/styled at all times
-perfect/full makeup at all times
-hates nature
-has money
-shopaholic
-says things like, "omg, shut up!!!!"
-obsessed with instagram
-always texting, even when you're talking to her
-basically follows all rules on this site 
-possibly reeaalllllyyy dumb
-has trouble making girl friends
-is often involved in girl drama
-used to be/is/wants to be a cheerleader
-goes to the gym with perfect hair/make up/skimpy outfit
-very clique-y. these girls often think that there is no clique problem
-lives at the same aforementioned "bro" living establishments
-frequently goes hot tubbing so she can show off her hot suit/bod
-she's hot. she knows it. bros are like this, too.
-always/frequently immodest. as lame as it sounds, it's the dead giveaway. let's be honest, it's provo. it's very socially acceptable to wear tankinis, sleeves, and normal shorts/skirts/dresses/pants.
*SIDENOTE: if your pockets fall below where your shorts cut off, your shorts are too short.  

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_3o69DLFcCMA/TAwJocfpcSI/AAAAAAAAEDE/9M_cC9cwOHg/s1600/Short+shorts.jpg
you look ridiculous. seriously.

does any of this sound familiar? if you know a girl that has 3 or more of these traits, it's very likely that she's a provo ho. 

 so what?
so, if at the end of the day all you want to do is hook up with some hot guy while also doing whatever you want while you're not with him, then you should definitely date a bro! but if you want to seriously, exclusively date someone with the intent to marry them, then do not date a bro. and from my own personal experience, bros do not make you feel good about yourself. the most selfish of bros just want to feel good about themselves, and they want you to make them feel good about themselves, too. 


how about we all go and find some nice boys to date. yes?

Friday, May 25, 2012

so little time, so few organs

when will i ever be good at blogging? oh, that's right. never. unless i'm somehow in another position where writing on my blog is attached to my grade. yes, that is when.

what's new?
 well, i'll tell you, blog! for starters, i am now without another organ. for those of you who don't know, i was born with only one kidney. who knows why, just a big cosmic joke from the universe that no one thinks is funny. well probably a lot of people think it's kinda funny, but most days i don't. but yea, i got my appendix out!


 yup, that's me in the ER on mother's day night after i just found out that i had appendicitis. one minute i was fine, and then i thought i was dying, and i kept feelin that way for a few hours. so i called up the ol brosef and he took me to the doctor, and they told me to go to the hospital. so that is exactly what we did! at 12:30 am after we had been there for over two hours i was really regretting the decision to go since i thought they'd probably tell me it was nothing, but turns out it was something. so at 12:30 am i started calling my family, and texting school cohorts to tell teachers, and really regretting that i was in school at all. at at 2 am they admitted me, and at 10am i had my surgery! and i told my work i would be missing a few days and they told me they wouldn't fire me. so that's been fun. or something.

oh, hey. 0% fun. 

me in my actual room, after surgery, with mouse.

this is how i really felt.

the best part? easy. gettin all drugged up. 

what?? you want to see easter pics??? well, ok. 

 this deformed and disgusting egg was supposed to represent alex

 and this gem was supposed to represent em's head. incredible likeness, fursure

so excited for egg dying you have no idea

you're lookin at the pure spirit of easter, my friends

look at these presh darlings!

 one of our finer moments, clearly

and to top it all off, 

i got to see one of my best fwends!!

it doesn't get better than this

 first time i saw jake in over 2 years!!


all because i knew what you really wanted was a photo montage of my life. you're welcome.

oh also, my sister graduated from college! don't worry everyone, i'll get some of those pics up, too. i can't believe that it's already almost june and that we're well into summertime. i feel happy. and i don't think it's just because i'm on lortab right now. so much is going on. i just want to be meaningful. does that make sense? i hope it does. 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

i'm an athlete

I RAN A 5K!!! Can you believe it??

 
 the whole crew runnin for romania!

 gah. we got photo bombed

 free swag!!

 CELEBRATION AT MCDONALDS!!!

neither did anyone else. that's why we took so many pictures. 

this whole thing was no bigs for alex, who has run like a billion 5ks/miles in his life. but for me and young bryniffer, this was big shiz. truthfully i've wanted to do something like this for a really long time. i've always wanted to do the komen walk for the cure but i've always thought i probably couldn't. and i was afraid of people's reactions when i told them i wanted to do it. so i haven't. fear keeping me from doing yet another thing!

but this was just the perfect opportunity! i've been running on the treadmill for the past few months at the gym so i felt reasonably trained, and now just seemed like the time when i heard about the run for romania. so i called my brother and told him about it, to which he laughed and said, "you don't run!" and i told him i ran at the gym! and then he started to take me seriously, thought it was great, and said he'd run with me. a supporter! i was really scared to even tell him about it, partly because of his reaction and partly because i figured once he knew i was interested that i would definitely have to run. and that's exactly what happened. for which i was grateful for, but also scared. 

and then i recruited bryn! who at first told me that she definitely did not run. but i don't know, then she changed her mind! and she agreed to run with us!!! even though she was terrified. even though she was really scared. and she cramped up and my asthma made me think i was going to die, BUT WE DID IT!!! AGAINST ALL ODDS!!! and i'm so proud of us.

and everyone was shocked. rightly so, since i'm notorious for hating all physical activity/movement. but i dunno. i guess i'm changing. my sister was like you? you ran a 5k? everyone gave me some sort of variation of "i'm so surprised! good for you!" 

this is what i'm trying to get at!
my whole life i've limited myself, and i've allowed other people to limit me. even though i've wanted to do a 5k for years i've been afraid that people would laugh and think i couldn't do it. and maybe i couldn't. i've been afraid of people telling me how i don't run. and then i'm just like yeah, you're right, i don't run. and then i just keep not running. people don't invite me to do anything athletic because they just think, oh laura hates that. well i do whatever i want these days! i hike! i play soccer! and i even run! and anything else that comes to mind. i want to be better. i want to do more. i have to believe in myself more.
 

Sunday, April 8, 2012

eggsactly

it's easter!! and i had a great day. pictures will follow! and won't that be a fun day?


i want to take a sec to quote a few peeps


c.s. lewis
i believe in christianity as i believe that the sun has risen. not only because i see it, but because by it i see everything else. 


christ is real. our heavenly father is real. the atonement is real- it redeems us from our sins and heals us from our griefs. i know it because i've felt it. there is an infinite amount of love available to all of us. i wish this could sound as true as it is. everything good in my life comes from these truths. 


oscar hammerstein
Why do I believe I am happy? Death has deprived me of many whom I loved. Dismal failure has followed many of my most earnest efforts. People have disappointed me. I have disappointed them. I have disappointed myself. From all this evidence, could I not build up a strong case to prove why I am not happy at all? I could, but it would be a false picture, as false as if I were to describe a tree only as it looks in winter. I would be leaving out a list of people I love, who have not died. I would be leaving out an acknowledgement of the many successes that have sprouted among my many failures. I would be leaving out the blessing of good health, the joy of walking in the sunshine. I don’t believe anyone can enjoy living in this world unless he can accept its imperfection. He must know and admit that he is imperfect, that all other mortals are imperfect, that it is childish to allow these imperfections to destroy all his hope and all his desire to live.

i love that. to only focus on the disappointments and failures of my life would be to ignore all the joy, success, and blessings i have experienced. there is so much good in the world, and so much good in my life. i have faith in all the best things in this world. because i have to.

next time:
that one time i ran a 5k. 
you heard me!!!!

Friday, March 23, 2012

my name is laura, and i like who i am.

so, to be fair, i stole this title from my friend sadie's blog, except that it had her name instead of mine. of course. it was just a link at the bottom of one of her pages from like two years ago. and i really loved that thought. 

i live a good life. people love me and i love them. and i've lived so much of my life feeling so self-conscious. always fearing i wasn't good enough for whatever, for whatever reason. 

i've worried that:
-i'm not pretty enough
-i'm not smart enough
-i don't work hard enough
-i'm not talented enough
-i'm not sporty enough
-i'm not funny enough
-i'm not kind enough
-i'm too loud
-i'm too mean
-i'm too opinionated
-i talk too much
and probably a million more

but it doesn't matter. none of it matters. to some people i'm not smart enough. i'm not talented enough, and i'm not pretty enough. 
BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER!
 it doesn't! it really doesn't! and it's a truth that has set me free! well, at least as long as i make sure to remember it. none of it matters because i love me. i always want to try to be better, but i like who i am. 

i'm smart. i'm loving. i'm sensitive. i'm incredibly awkward at times. sometimes i lose my temper. i'm passionate. i care. i'm loyal. i'm dedicated. i work hard. i try to understand. i want to be better. i'm talented. i'm funny. i don't give up. i try really hard. i get scared, but i try to never let my fear control me! i want to see the world! i want to see everything. i want to know everything. i like to add the letter 'z' on to words that should end in an 's.' lovez it. i don't want to fight. i want to be happy. i am happy. i have faith. i have hope. sometimes i say too much. sometimes i tell the same story more than once. i talk too much. sometimes i'm too loud. sometimes my jokes aren't funny. but i like me. i like who i am. so even if i'm not good enough for anybody else, it just doesn't matter. i can only be what i am. and there are people that love me for exactly what i am, regardless of my faults. and THAT'S what matters.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

crazy beautiful life

well just like ke$ha, i'm living the crazy/beautiful life right now. we're probs sisterz we're so similar. but really life is insane. in really good and also bad ways. that's just how life is!

TRUTHS ABOUT ME

-i am so neurotic
-i am so awkward
-i am so lucky these days
-i am very happy
-i get nervous
-i'm really easily embarrassed 
-i worry

 these are just some recent things i've noticed and have noticed in light of recent life events


song stuck in my head? gray and blue, by jaymay. it's on the playlist.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

oh, it's wild

life is so crazy right now! some BIG things have happened to me!

FIRST:
i got a job!! i finally got a job! i have been so stressed about being able to find work upon returning to 'ol america and i did it! and my job is so sick. i work at the BYU library, AKA a library consistently rated in the top 3 of the nation's university libraries in the multimedia production unit. filming, editing, writing computer code/programming, and i set my own hours, and i can work up to 40 hours in the summer, and i can get a raise ever semester, and i don't have to work during finals week!! and a million other amazing things. how i got lucky enough to get this freaking ballin job i have no idea. but let's be real- i deserve it. 

SECOND:
i got my first ever speeding ticket. when i wasn't even speeding on purpose and wasn't even in a hurry. i just didn't know the speed limit. so now i had to pay $90 for the ticket and $60 to go to friggen traffic school. AT 8 AM ON A SATURDAY!! pleasant grove, you are dead to me. DEAD. and i got it the day after i found out i got my job. soooo yeah. convenient. 

THIRD:
i discovered spotify! i kept seeing so much crap about it from everyone on facebook and now i know why. it's great. 

FOURTH:
i'm addicted to facebook jeopardy. like seriously though. 

AND:
i made it through another valentine's day and lived to tell the tale! 

LAST:
so the life i'm living right now isn't really anything like what i thought it would be. like when i was in london and i thought about how life would be when i got back this was not it. in a lot of ways it's better. in some ways harder. anywayz i'm really happy. i'm really happy today.  

   best. game. ever.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

TRAPPED

inside my apartment with no car and everyone is busy. 





doesn't everyone know it's thursday??? why are you busy??

i typed "fun" into google images and this is what popped up

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

January Appreciation Day

well, as my title suggests, happy january appreciation day, everybody!! as today is the last day of january, appreciation day is today. and i submit that it is totally irrelevant that january is, in fact, the worst month of the year. it's still great to have a holiday in our midst, right? right. as if you even have to ask.

you know what i wish?
i wish i could do pinterest. but sadly the mere thought of all the things i'd need to pin to keep up with it stresses me out. there's just so much out there, and how am i supposed to find it all?? i need to move on or else imma go on a tirade.


THE WAR ON WINTER
yup! let's start here. so i recently saw a poster inside the halls of BYU that made me incredibly pleased
 
 yes. this is that self same poster

i believe my exact words when i saw the title of this poster were, "YES! FINALLY!!" but quickly all that glee shattered into pieces. my brother informed me that this "war" was actually just an event lasting for one night. understandably, my disgust immediately surfaced. 

PEOPLE!! a WAR does NOT last for one night!! a war is a continuous barrage, an attack, against something that is inherently evil. i submit that winter is that evil thing. 
in fact, to quote my good friend Heather Katzenbach once snow had begun to pour outside a gathering of ours, "this is what hell will look like." i couldn't agree more, H Katz. now am i saying that i know how to begin this noble effort? sadly, no. this is a huge undertaking. but really, something should be done. because snow is the worst. also the cold. 

 hate.

 not so fun anymore, is it????


i believe i rest my case. 

i've already been back here a month. weird.  

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

because i have the attention span of a cat:

i can't do any of my homework like a normal human. so i will post some pics from my last romp about europe

 i did some modeling in Berlin when i was a child.

 victorious olympian. duh.

 Berlin Wall. boo!

 oh, wait! its not so scary after all!

 i hate when all the books get burned.

 my new boyfriend. it's serious.

 contemporary art

 colosseum excitement at dusk

you couldn't even pick me outta the crowd!

 oh yeah, now i'm definitely goin back

colosseum. in all its glory. 

 circus maximus? underwhelmed. 

close one!

sadly, this did not take as long as i hoped it would.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

same old

i won't apologize for not updating this blog in over a month because that just gets old. that's just me. the only time i was able to update my blog like i wanted was when it was for a grade. actually i think i'm nearing in on 2 months without an update. ooooohhh well. i am just still me. 

i won't lie, my life feels sort of like a mess right now. sort of exactly like the mess that has been in my new room in my new apartment for the past 2 days. a big, gigantic pile of just stuff that you can't walk through, or even really sort through because there is just too much. so many things you don't recognize, and so many different things from a million different places. 

i am back in provo where i live, and where i guess is my home. i've written on this very blog about it being my home. it doesn't feel like my home right now. i feel like an outsider looking in from a very old memory- like i'm slowly remembering thing after thing about all my surroundings. i feel like everyone else can tell. they know i don't belong, too. i keep expecting to see everyone i know, but i don't recognize any faces. 

and then i do see someone i know! someone i haven't seen in almost a year! maybe they are my friend and maybe they're just someone i knew. both have happened so far. it's so exciting and surreal to see my friends but so weird to see the faces of people who i forgot existed. 

i've only been back in america for 3 weeks and now i'm back in provo and it's just a double transition. because provo is like no other place in the world. except i bet it's pretty similar to rexburg in most ways. and i have so many decisions to make right now that i'm not ready to make. i have to decide where i want to live in the summer and even where i want to live this NEXT year. i have to decide that this month. i have to plan this around the lives of other people. i have to plan around a million uncertainties. i want to find a job that i don't know if i'll be able to find. i have to make new friends that i don't know if i'll be able to make. i want to see old friends that might not have time to see me. they might be busy with their new friends and new lives. i'm worried that there just won't be a place for me to fit. or belong. but to be fair i worried about that in london, and a million other places in my life where i have always found a spot. 

i've seen a million things and been to so many new places but i'm still the same. i worry about the same things and i want the same things. and i just hope that everything will work out the way i want it to. but i know that i have a lot of people that love me and that everything will work out. 

maybe after a few weeks i'll assimilate and it will seem like i've just been here all along. like you couldn't even pick me out of a crowd as someone who didn't naturally belong here.