so little time, so few organs

when will i ever be good at blogging? oh, that's right. never. unless i'm somehow in another position where writing on my blog is attached to my grade. yes, that is when.

what's new?

 well, i'll tell you, blog! for starters, i am now without another organ. for those of you who don't know, i was born with only one kidney. who knows why, just a big cosmic joke from the universe that no one thinks is funny. well probably a lot of people think it's kinda funny, but most days i don't. but yea, i got my appendix out!

 yup, that's me in the ER on mother's day night after i just found out that i had appendicitis. one minute i was fine, and then i thought i was dying, and i kept feelin that way for a few hours. so i called up the ol brosef and he took me to the doctor, and they told me to go to the hospital. so that is exactly what we did! at 12:30 am after we had been there for over two hours i was really regretting the decision to go since i thought they'd probably tell me it was nothing, but turns out it was something. so at 12:30 am i started calling my family, and texting school cohorts to tell teachers, and really regretting that i was in school at all. at at 2 am they admitted me, and at 10am i had my surgery! and i told my work i would be missing a few days and they told me they wouldn't fire me. so that's been fun. or something.

oh, hey. 0% fun. 

me in my actual room, after surgery, with mouse.

this is how i really felt.

the best part? easy. gettin all drugged up. 

what?? you want to see easter pics??? well, ok. 

 this deformed and disgusting egg was supposed to represent alex

 and this gem was supposed to represent em's head. incredible likeness, fursure

so excited for egg dying you have no idea

you're lookin at the pure spirit of easter, my friends

look at these presh darlings!

 one of our finer moments, clearly

and to top it all off, 

i got to see one of my best fwends!!

it doesn't get better than this

 first time i saw jake in over 2 years!!

all because i knew what you really wanted was a photo montage of my life. you're welcome.

oh also, my sister graduated from college! don't worry everyone, i'll get some of those pics up, too. i can't believe that it's already almost june and that we're well into summertime. i feel happy. and i don't think it's just because i'm on lortab right now. so much is going on. i just want to be meaningful. does that make sense? i hope it does. 

i'm an athlete

I RAN A 5K!!! Can you believe it??

 

 the whole crew runnin for romania!

 gah. we got photo bombed

 free swag!!

 CELEBRATION AT MCDONALDS!!!

neither did anyone else. that's why we took so many pictures. 

this whole thing was no bigs for alex, who has run like a billion 5ks/miles in his life. but for me and young bryniffer, this was big shiz. truthfully i've wanted to do something like this for a really long time. i've always wanted to do the komen walk for the cure but i've always thought i probably couldn't. and i was afraid of people's reactions when i told them i wanted to do it. so i haven't. fear keeping me from doing yet another thing!

but this was just the perfect opportunity! i've been running on the treadmill for the past few months at the gym so i felt reasonably trained, and now just seemed like the time when i heard about the run for romania. so i called my brother and told him about it, to which he laughed and said, "you don't run!" and i told him i ran at the gym! and then he started to take me seriously, thought it was great, and said he'd run with me. a supporter! i was really scared to even tell him about it, partly because of his reaction and partly because i figured once he knew i was interested that i would definitely have to run. and that's exactly what happened. for which i was grateful for, but also scared. 

and then i recruited bryn! who at first told me that she definitely did not run. but i don't know, then she changed her mind! and she agreed to run with us!!! even though she was terrified. even though she was really scared. and she cramped up and my asthma made me think i was going to die, BUT WE DID IT!!! AGAINST ALL ODDS!!! and i'm so proud of us.

and everyone was shocked. rightly so, since i'm notorious for hating all physical activity/movement. but i dunno. i guess i'm changing. my sister was like you? you ran a 5k? everyone gave me some sort of variation of "i'm so surprised! good for you!" 

this is what i'm trying to get at!

my whole life i've limited myself, and i've allowed other people to limit me. even though i've wanted to do a 5k for years i've been afraid that people would laugh and think i couldn't do it. and maybe i couldn't. i've been afraid of people telling me how i don't run. and then i'm just like yeah, you're right, i don't run. and then i just keep not running. people don't invite me to do anything athletic because they just think, oh laura hates that. well i do whatever i want these days! i hike! i play soccer! and i even run! and anything else that comes to mind. i want to be better. i want to do more. i have to believe in myself more.

 

eggsactly

it's easter!! and i had a great day. pictures will follow! and won't that be a fun day?


i want to take a sec to quote a few peeps


c.s. lewis
i believe in christianity as i believe that the sun has risen. not only because i see it, but because by it i see everything else. 


christ is real. our heavenly father is real. the atonement is real- it redeems us from our sins and heals us from our griefs. i know it because i've felt it. there is an infinite amount of love available to all of us. i wish this could sound as true as it is. everything good in my life comes from these truths. 


oscar hammerstein
Why do I believe I am happy? Death has deprived me of many whom I loved. Dismal failure has followed many of my most earnest efforts. People have disappointed me. I have disappointed them. I have disappointed myself. From all this evidence, could I not build up a strong case to prove why I am not happy at all? I could, but it would be a false picture, as false as if I were to describe a tree only as it looks in winter. I would be leaving out a list of people I love, who have not died. I would be leaving out an acknowledgement of the many successes that have sprouted among my many failures. I would be leaving out the blessing of good health, the joy of walking in the sunshine. I don’t believe anyone can enjoy living in this world unless he can accept its imperfection. He must know and admit that he is imperfect, that all other mortals are imperfect, that it is childish to allow these imperfections to destroy all his hope and all his desire to live.

i love that. to only focus on the disappointments and failures of my life would be to ignore all the joy, success, and blessings i have experienced. there is so much good in the world, and so much good in my life. i have faith in all the best things in this world. because i have to.

next time:

that one time i ran a 5k. 

you heard me!!!!

my name is laura, and i like who i am.

so, to be fair, i stole this title from my friend sadie's blog, except that it had her name instead of mine. of course. it was just a link at the bottom of one of her pages from like two years ago. and i really loved that thought. 

i live a good life. people love me and i love them. and i've lived so much of my life feeling so self-conscious. always fearing i wasn't good enough for whatever, for whatever reason. 

i've worried that:

-i'm not pretty enough

-i'm not smart enough

-i don't work hard enough

-i'm not talented enough

-i'm not sporty enough

-i'm not funny enough

-i'm not kind enough

-i'm too loud

-i'm too mean

-i'm too opinionated

-i talk too much

and probably a million more

but it doesn't matter. none of it matters. to some people i'm not smart enough. i'm not talented enough, and i'm not pretty enough. 

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER!

 it doesn't! it really doesn't! and it's a truth that has set me free! well, at least as long as i make sure to remember it. none of it matters because i love me. i always want to try to be better, but i like who i am. 

i'm smart. i'm loving. i'm sensitive. i'm incredibly awkward at times. sometimes i lose my temper. i'm passionate. i care. i'm loyal. i'm dedicated. i work hard. i try to understand. i want to be better. i'm talented. i'm funny. i don't give up. i try really hard. i get scared, but i try to never let my fear control me! i want to see the world! i want to see everything. i want to know everything. i like to add the letter 'z' on to words that should end in an 's.' lovez it. i don't want to fight. i want to be happy. i am happy. i have faith. i have hope. sometimes i say too much. sometimes i tell the same story more than once. i talk too much. sometimes i'm too loud. sometimes my jokes aren't funny. but i like me. i like who i am. so even if i'm not good enough for anybody else, it just doesn't matter. i can only be what i am. and there are people that love me for exactly what i am, regardless of my faults. and THAT'S what matters.

crazy beautiful life

well just like ke$ha, i'm living the crazy/beautiful life right now. we're probs sisterz we're so similar. but really life is insane. in really good and also bad ways. that's just how life is!

TRUTHS ABOUT ME

-i am so neurotic

-i am so awkward

-i am so lucky these days

-i am very happy

-i get nervous

-i'm really easily embarrassed 

-i worry

 these are just some recent things i've noticed and have noticed in light of recent life events

song stuck in my head? gray and blue, by jaymay. it's on the playlist.

oh, it's wild

life is so crazy right now! some BIG things have happened to me!

FIRST:

i got a job!! i finally got a job! i have been so stressed about being able to find work upon returning to 'ol america and i did it! and my job is so sick. i work at the BYU library, AKA a library consistently rated in the top 3 of the nation's university libraries in the multimedia production unit. filming, editing, writing computer code/programming, and i set my own hours, and i can work up to 40 hours in the summer, and i can get a raise ever semester, and i don't have to work during finals week!! and a million other amazing things. how i got lucky enough to get this freaking ballin job i have no idea. but let's be real- i deserve it. 

SECOND:

i got my first ever speeding ticket. when i wasn't even speeding on purpose and wasn't even in a hurry. i just didn't know the speed limit. so now i had to pay $90 for the ticket and $60 to go to friggen traffic school. AT 8 AM ON A SATURDAY!! pleasant grove, you are dead to me. DEAD. and i got it the day after i found out i got my job. soooo yeah. convenient. 

THIRD:

i discovered spotify! i kept seeing so much crap about it from everyone on facebook and now i know why. it's great. 

FOURTH:

i'm addicted to facebook jeopardy. like seriously though. 

AND:

i made it through another valentine's day and lived to tell the tale! 

LAST:

so the life i'm living right now isn't really anything like what i thought it would be. like when i was in london and i thought about how life would be when i got back this was not it. in a lot of ways it's better. in some ways harder. anywayz i'm really happy. i'm really happy today.  

   best. game. ever.

TRAPPED

inside my apartment with no car and everyone is busy. 

doesn't everyone know it's thursday??? why are you busy??

i typed "fun" into google images and this is what popped up