my best friend.

there is this boy who left a year ago, today, for his mission.

his name is dylan taylor.

and i love him. still. 

oh yeah, and he loves me, too. still.

YES.

just a hashtag, hodgepodge of emotions

so, london is ON people! i'm going!! i really am! even though there is a mass rebellion going on in london right now i really am going and this really is happening. i've waited for this for so long and it would be typical of my life for the one time i'm going to london for mass riots to break out that would inhibit me from going. but they're not. turns out that they're actually just making the whole business waaayyyy cooler. far more interesting. 


you know i am very bad at taking pictures. i hate to be like, hey! let's take a picture! and i've done tons of fun stuff this summer and taken pretty much zero pictures of anything. shame. but to make up for it i'm gonna take SO MANY pictures this fall it's stupid. 


HASHTAG: grandpa swag. (i'm thinking about getting a twitter. even though i hate twitter, i understand that my friends are tweeting some real, real quality stuff i'm totally missing out on.) now i've taken to just saying, "HASHTAG:" and then i just say whatever i was already going to say. like, HASHTAG: i'm hungry!!! at the very least it makes me laugh. 


there is this iranian movie that is just terribly, terribly beautiful that i first saw clips of in my film class this past fall. actually both clips happen to be in the link i'm posting. but the second we watched in class just killed me. perhaps it was an emotional day of mine but pretty much the second it started playing i started bawling. really though, get it from netflix. it's called the color of paradise. just please watch this. so the first clip in the video is the one i love and the little boy is blind. his father doesn't really want to take care of him anymore so he takes him to live with this blind carpenter until the blind school he goes to starts up again. the clip picks up when he's just been dropped off. his father didn't even tell him he was taking him there. truly, it may be like the most tender, beautiful, just emotional scene in a movie i've ever seen. easily top 3.


i love dallas, i love being home, i love my house, i love my mom, and i love my friends. i always forget how much i actually miss. and it's really sad how far away i am. but i'm really lucky to have so much i love in two places. i really don't miss how hot it gets here, but i'm happy to say that it's also not THAT bad. like i don't feel like i'm dying. i feel like my body is like, yessss. i remember this. but this is where you are from. and my body remembers that this is the climate it was bred in and it just adapts. i don't feel lost and just totally like wtf when did it get so hot i cannot handle this. which i am proud of. 


but really, i love my friends. and as stupid as it may sound, i want to be friends with them forever. and for a lot of them i really legitimately know that i will be. the best thing is just when it's like everything is the same it's always been and you just pick up where you left off. that's how i know we'll always be friends. i just feel like they're a part of me. and really they all are. they've made me who i am. and really, that's true. like not only does it sound nice, it's true. 


so a very wise girl that i blog stalk just wrote the best update about change. i think i have interesting things to think and say but i'm definitely not a writer and i can't really say things that are beautiful, usually. and this, right now, is a transitional period in my life where a lot is changing. i think that's true for a lot of us with a new school year about to start. and i'm more excited than i've ever been to start a new school year. but i'm scared, too. so i want to quote my favorite parts of what she wrote because really, it's just too good to not. 

"It was change that brought medicine and science and your iPod, and change that brought your long legs and your cheekbones coming through your skin to make you pretty finally. Change drove you places and sang you to sleep and change read you a story or maybe you read it yourself but change made you understand the little inky symbols on the pages of a mass-produced New York Times' Bestseller that you wouldn't have understood if you hadn't changed since you were six-years-old. Change made you speak. 

Change is you and me and you changed to read this post and I changed to write it and something about that was probably good for me." 

i cannot wait for this next part of my life. really, i can't. 

GRIEVANCES

this is a list of the biggest grievances from all the boys that i feel have wronged me in the past 5 years. i feel this is therapeutic. coincidentally, many of them overlap!

I DON'T CARE:

-that you never gave me the time of day

-that you never bothered to text me back

-that you wouldn't go to prom with me

-that you never saw my one act when i won best actress

-that you lied to me

-that you didn't want to be my boyfriend

-that you never wanted me to cut my hair

-that you humiliated me in front of all of my friends

-that you didn't want to hold my hand

-that you told me you loved me even though you were already dating my doppelgänger

-that you always made me feel stupid

-that i asked you to be my valentime, and you said no. 

-that you made fun of my act score, dylan taylor. (this is the only grievance from him i can really think of.)

- that you acted like you liked me, and you kind of did, but really you didn't

-that you told me you would never like me

-that later that day you decided you did like me

-that you then got annoyed with me when i told you that i wasn't going to get my hopes up

-that you told me you didn't know if you liked me because you liked me, or because you just spent a lot of time with me. 

-that thus you thought we should spend less time together. 

-that the next week we went on a date, and then the next week you had a girlfriend

-that you told me we couldn't really be friends anymore

-that sometimes you hated my jokes

-that you never texted me back

-that you didn't want to hold my hand anymore

-that you never took me wakeboarding

-that you never took me to the zoo

-that you were really mean to me when we played mario kart
-that you probably lied to me a lot of times
-that you frequently made me feel stupid. even though i'm really smart.

-that you don't like 90% of my clothes

-that you hate that i love justin bieber

-that you think it's trashy of me to love mcdonalds

-that you think being a teacher is stupid
-that you would never give me the time of day

-if you don't find me endearing

alright! now imagine lighting this post with a match! ah. i feel better already. 

things i hate

bicyclists:

i hate you guys because you think that you are both cars, and pedestrians. and you decide which you are at the moment when it most conveniently suits you. you need to pick. and if you're a pedestrian you need to ride on the effing sidewalk. because when you go ten miles per hour on the side/middle of the road i really just want to run you over. end of story. 

people who save seats but leave no indication of them doing so:

if i cross ten different people in the crowded aisles of a movie theater only to get to my intended seat, that looks free and empty as all get-out, and then you smile at me and say, sorry! these are saved! not only will i want to murder you, but i will say to you, you should really put something on them so people know they're saved. i'm sorry? you didn't bring a jacket or bag or anything to save them with? hows about your hands?! what? your hands don't reach that far? well sit in the middle of the seats you're saving and spread your arms out on either side of you. what? you don't want to use your arms for that? well then they should be cut off. seriously. 



i feel like there was another one but now i have forgotten it! i hate that, too.