Friday, August 19, 2011

just a hashtag, hodgepodge of emotions

so, london is ON people! i'm going!! i really am! even though there is a mass rebellion going on in london right now i really am going and this really is happening. i've waited for this for so long and it would be typical of my life for the one time i'm going to london for mass riots to break out that would inhibit me from going. but they're not. turns out that they're actually just making the whole business waaayyyy cooler. far more interesting. 


you know i am very bad at taking pictures. i hate to be like, hey! let's take a picture! and i've done tons of fun stuff this summer and taken pretty much zero pictures of anything. shame. but to make up for it i'm gonna take SO MANY pictures this fall it's stupid. 


HASHTAG: grandpa swag. (i'm thinking about getting a twitter. even though i hate twitter, i understand that my friends are tweeting some real, real quality stuff i'm totally missing out on.) now i've taken to just saying, "HASHTAG:" and then i just say whatever i was already going to say. like, HASHTAG: i'm hungry!!! at the very least it makes me laugh. 


there is this iranian movie that is just terribly, terribly beautiful that i first saw clips of in my film class this past fall. actually both clips happen to be in the link i'm posting. but the second we watched in class just killed me. perhaps it was an emotional day of mine but pretty much the second it started playing i started bawling. really though, get it from netflix. it's called the color of paradise. just please watch this. so the first clip in the video is the one i love and the little boy is blind. his father doesn't really want to take care of him anymore so he takes him to live with this blind carpenter until the blind school he goes to starts up again. the clip picks up when he's just been dropped off. his father didn't even tell him he was taking him there. truly, it may be like the most tender, beautiful, just emotional scene in a movie i've ever seen. easily top 3.


i love dallas, i love being home, i love my house, i love my mom, and i love my friends. i always forget how much i actually miss. and it's really sad how far away i am. but i'm really lucky to have so much i love in two places. i really don't miss how hot it gets here, but i'm happy to say that it's also not THAT bad. like i don't feel like i'm dying. i feel like my body is like, yessss. i remember this. but this is where you are from. and my body remembers that this is the climate it was bred in and it just adapts. i don't feel lost and just totally like wtf when did it get so hot i cannot handle this. which i am proud of. 


but really, i love my friends. and as stupid as it may sound, i want to be friends with them forever. and for a lot of them i really legitimately know that i will be. the best thing is just when it's like everything is the same it's always been and you just pick up where you left off. that's how i know we'll always be friends. i just feel like they're a part of me. and really they all are. they've made me who i am. and really, that's true. like not only does it sound nice, it's true. 


so a very wise girl that i blog stalk just wrote the best update about change. i think i have interesting things to think and say but i'm definitely not a writer and i can't really say things that are beautiful, usually. and this, right now, is a transitional period in my life where a lot is changing. i think that's true for a lot of us with a new school year about to start. and i'm more excited than i've ever been to start a new school year. but i'm scared, too. so i want to quote my favorite parts of what she wrote because really, it's just too good to not. 

"It was change that brought medicine and science and your iPod, and change that brought your long legs and your cheekbones coming through your skin to make you pretty finally. Change drove you places and sang you to sleep and change read you a story or maybe you read it yourself but change made you understand the little inky symbols on the pages of a mass-produced New York Times' Bestseller that you wouldn't have understood if you hadn't changed since you were six-years-old. Change made you speak. 

Change is you and me and you changed to read this post and I changed to write it and something about that was probably good for me." 

i cannot wait for this next part of my life. really, i can't. 

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