what has my life become?

i don't know what i want this blog to be or become, so perhaps that's why it hasn't been anything at all for the past 6 months. i know it's why. the only knowledge or wisdom that i have to impart is about bros. so you know, nothing really important. BUT i did get a lot of you to read my blog for the first time ever, so i guess i should feel good about that. and in a way i do, because i said what needed to be said. again- i consider it a public service. 

my life has turned into a million things since i've written. i'm finally getting to make movies at work! like really make them. not just vaguely help. or help with one or two ideas. this week my movie was released! granted, it's only 28 seconds, but i'm really proud of it. i came up with the idea, and my incredibly delightful friend lauren and i then wrote the script, shot it, directed it, and produced it! she did the vast majority of the editing, and ryan composed the music for us. it feels really great. i love collaborating with talented people and i really hope a few other videos we made (that we couldn't release) will soon make it into the public eye. it's rewarding. and i'm not in many shows these days (ahem, or any) so i feel validated by the film work/contributions i'm making. 

ALSO i'm directing my show this semester. my senior project. the culmination of my education, really. i'm so nervous. but i'm also excited. it's dominating my entire life right now. it's owning me. so that's also why i'm not acting at all right now. besides the fact that i have basically had school/work from 9-7 every night, and there is no way i have any life time to rehearse. 

ALSO- you might have observed my incredibly attractive boyfriend in my video. i really love him a lot. especially that he's FINALLY back from his mission. he loves me despite the fact that i'm just a huge, crazy stressball, and sometimes just all-around insane. i'm so odd, but he is always there for me. not to get all emotional and annoying, but i appreciate him endlessly. he stands by me through my endless sass and attitude. 

 i don't want to make anyone vomit, and i hate being publicly presh so i'll only post 2 pictures of us.

so that's my biggest of life changes. i also don't wear makeup anymore. or maybe like once a week. or once every other week as was demonstrated by this past fortnight. as demonstrated here:

whoops, looks like i snuck in another one

but i stopped wearing it because it didn't really matter to dylan. he can never really tell when i'm wearing it and when i'm not. well, that's not true. when i am it'll be a few hours that we've been together and then he'll say hey! you're wearing makeup! so if it didn't matter to him i thought that maybe it shouldn't matter to me too much. but a big part of the reason why i've always worn makeup was to feel good about myself. so does that mean that i've been using makeup as a crutch in my life? well, yeah, it kinda does. and i didn't really like that. so these past 4 months of my make-up free life i've grown to love myself more, and how i look. and i've started to not be able to tell that big of a difference between my face when i am and am not wearing makeup. i really encourage it! i feel like it fosters self-confidence. while at first i thought everyone could tell i wasn't wearing makeup and would think that i was some type of freak, i soon realized that wasn't a thing at all. it wasn't reality. i have bad, frumpy days like everyone. but at least i don't feel like i'm relying on a sort of mask to help me feel good about myself on a daily basis. 

anyway, i think that's enough for today.