happy turkeys to all!!

today is turkey day! and since sunday my parents have been here with me in london so i've still been able to spend it with family. they're so american, though. well really just steve. so loud. always. but they crack me up and i love them. and also thanksgiving dinner today was like one of the best meals of my life. i can't wait until christmas. 

need i mention that i come home in 2 1/2 weeks? i can't even believe it. but i'm getting a lot more excited to go back to provo so i'm really happy about that. 

also we're watching inception right now and having a gruggle. which is translated as a group snuggle. 

i want to talk about something else now. this is why i changed fonts. yesterday with my parents i finally saw les miserables. i've been fighting against this play since i was in like 6th grade because no one speaks and when i was in 6th grade and we had to watch the recording i thought it was boring. but more than that i hated how everyone in the theatre world that thinks they're better than everyone else says that les mis is their fav show and when they audition they only sing songs from it. it's the most pretentious condescending thing in the world. BUT it really is a beautiful show. i think instead of hating those people and the show i will just continue to hate those people. but love the show. 

but more than that when it ended i had my theatre nerd moment and my eyes teared a little and i got chills all over. and then it was the curtain call and immediately everyone gave a standing ovation. and i remembered how good it feels to come out and have all the lights shining on you and look out into a dark audience applauding for you and feeling so full. just feeling on fire. feeling fearless like you can do anything and like everything you tried to do and all the work you put into it was more than worth it. and then i felt a little guilty because these feelings go back to the selfish joys of acting. 

but then i thought about directing. which is what i'm going to do. what i want to do. and what i really am passionate about. and i know it will challenge me my whole life. and i thought about seeing what i've made and all the actors bowing and being so proud and happy and knowing how much they (usually) have loved the experience. and i know primarily i'll just be doing high school and stuff, but i thought about how happy their (the actors) parents and friends will be after seeing them in a great show. (because i won't be doing bad work. obviously.) and then feeling just as good, if not better, as when i'm acting. the feeling of creation is so powerful, i think. being able to see this almost live painting and to say, i made this. i did this. or at least, i was a part of this. and maybe while being in my show people will create memories that they really will remember, and maybe even treasure, their whole lives. i think maybe that right there is all worth it. 

i feel grateful for so much