i've never been more proud of myself

attention world: i have officially memorized all the words to the speed rap 'look at me now' by chris brown. 

if you're not proud of me, then you're stupid

k so maybe i memorized the karmin version without the swears but that makes no difference! the words/speed be the same. except for the swears, of course

hey, why won't you stop sucking?

oh, i don't know blog world. because it's just not in my nature. that's why! oh, and hey, get off my back! YOU DON'T KNOW MY LYFE!

oh lol i just realized it is almost literally 2 months since i've updated. i should probably be fired from even having a blog, huh? i wonder if there is like a cap as to how little you have to write for them to cancel your blog. hmm. and now it's been so long since i've written that people who used to read my blog have probably stopped checking back to see if i've updated. and i deserve that! lol oh wow i suck. 

next, it's not my fault in large part because the last 3 weeks-month of school were just killer. KILLER! yeah, i've been out of regular school for like a month. and i've been in summer school (technically spring term) for like a month and in a few weeks i'll be done with spring term and then i'll go on to summer school and i'll go to school until i die. this is my life now! but i am comfortable being a student. 

some people will hate me for writing this, but i am now a junior in college. i mean credit wise i've been one since january, but omg, i'm a junior. IN COLLEGE. i feel like i was a junior in high school pretty much yesterday. when i was 17. which incidentally, is what my last post was about. oh, what a good age. i can't believe i'm so old and that so much of my life has gone by so quickly. truly astounding. i remember never thinking i would make it to high school. like seriously if i ever take more than 4 seconds to think about my life i just think that it's astounding and surreal. my life is astounding. the next time i blink i'll be 35 and married with 4 kids, i feel like. wait, no, i just blinked and i'm still here. still a junior in college and not far from 21 years old and gettin waaaaaasstttteeeeddd!!! lolz. i'm jk. .....

so lots have changed since regular school stopped mid april and everyone left for home and provo got sort of deserted but actually in a REALLY nice way. hey guys! in the summer even if a dollar movie is brand new you just gotta get there like 20 minutes before hand! not like 3 hours!! amazing, right??

AND!!!!!! i did it. i got my hair cut. 

this was lo and i mere minutes after we did it. and we donated it!! on gah we are such great humans. sheesh this has been such a great experience. and so liberating! so many people told me not to do this and didn't want me to do this and it took five years for me to do it but hey. turns out i'm way hotter and older looking and my hair has like zero frizz now and yeah. i'm great. that being said its quite a bit longer now (i just got a haircut today, actually) because i'm growing it out to the 'ol shoulders to see how it will look. and then one day i'm sure i'll grow it out like 2-3 inches past my shoulder but that is a ways off. i have short hair now and i love it. and i love that i had the guts to do it. 

this is after it had grown out a bit. oh and hey, remember when i stayed in the library till 2 am writing a 15 page paper that took me 7 more hours afterward to finish? because i do.

you know, and i feel it enhances my edginess and sassiness. oh and now i also really love riding in cars with the windows down. eee!!

you know why i am bad at blogging? because i get so easily stressed an overwhelmed and i have tons of things to say and things that i think and then i just get overwhelmed with the volume of thoughts that i have and i say oh i'll do it later because i don't have time to update my blog now b/c it will take too much time because i have too much to say! and then the things i have to say build up and then yeah it's blog vomit. i've been terrible at blog stalking, as well, these past 2 months. so don't worry i've been neglecting all blogs, not just mine.

you know who i love?

nicki minaj. i have her song super bass totally stuck in my head. (oh wow it seems to be on my playlist should you be curious as to its contents) so, so sick. also her performance in 'The Creep' is SICK.  watch this. NOW.  

somebody please tell 'em who tha eff i is!!

what's new?

oh, thanks for asking! well i have a new apartment. that i love! i gots a bafroom in my room! sick? i think so. and i have new roommates. but i am really, really, really missing my old ones. namely chloe buffum, lauren kennington, and heather white. seriously. if any of you read this i miss you guys SO MUCH. like a sick amount. i'm gonna stop talking about this because it's making me really, really sad. you cannot be replaced. i love you all dearly and i just feel like there's a big part of my life missing. and it's you guys. 

but that being said good ol bryniffer is down the hal and i love that gal and ol ls is in the room right next to me and that is more than delightful. expexially when she makes freaking delicious cookies like she did mere days ago. she is loved. by me. 

but my room roommate is the one and only kirsten! we are presh as in we often do gay things like matching outfits (and sometimes on accident!) but we also tear up this city with our sass, sarcasm, and brutal honesty. 

like seriously, we're unstoppable. not to mention, the comedy comin out of this team is ridiculous. 

why i'm great:

-I'm pretty much the star of my acting class. everybody always wants to be my partner (actually seriously 2 partners ago my partner said to me, "laura, you're a star.") because i guess i've been doing it for a long time now (that's sort of weird to think about) and i guess most everyone hasn't been doing acting all that long or this is their first acting class and i've been doing it since i was 12. and really, i am a comedic genius. and we've been doing a lot of scenes where we make up what's going on and obviously all mine are hilarious. and everyone loves them and it makes me feel like the best human ever. you know how everyone is good at something? and sometimes it's hard to find out what yours is. but when you find it, and you do it, and other people validate you, you just feel like you're the best thing ever. at least i've found out what i'm good at and i'm planning on doing it for the rest of my life. it's nice to have something you're really good at. especially when a lot of other people think you're really good at it. so that's me braggin on me and just feeling great. i'm just proud. it's really nice to have some validation. 
-i'm memorizing all the words to Chris Brown's 'look at me now,' namely this version. and guess what? i'm way good at it. 

-i'm now able to paint my finger nails in 30 minutes. or less. uh yeah, this is real life. 

i'm in a good place in my life right now. i'm happy and i love my family and the people around me and i feel like i'm pretty successful. my life is on track, i'm studying abroad in the fall, it's fixen to be permanently warm, and lately i just feel like i have it together. thank you summer!

what chris trager from parks and rec might say: this was litrally....the best blog post ever

oh no! youths!

i wish i was seventeen again. instead of half way to twenty one. 


seriously. where does the time go? i will never go to high school with the people i went to high school with ever again. and that is sort of sad.

enjoy it. your life is empty without this link to this video

girl, you old

today is my half-birthday! and by today i mean the 22nd because by the time i post this it will be the 23rd. but yes, i am now half way to 21! and i thought this would be far more exciting than it has been. i guess 21 is kinda old. when i sometimes stop and think about the fact that i'm supposed to be an adult, or at least some form of one, it freaks me out. especially when i think about the fact that i am soon to start my JUNIOR year of COLLEGE!! BARF!!! where the freak does the time go??? i swear i was just a junior in high school. like just. and technically in january i'll be classified as a senior in college which is really, truly, ridiculous. i'm too young to be a junior in college. excuse me while i throw up. 

phew!! i'm back. alright, now shiz is about to get a little girlie. so i guess i'll write all this in a nice pink color so you can know where to pick up if you feel you are already bored. pink. begin. so recently my roommates and i aged about 40-50 years and had a classic motown jam sesh. we were just layin back, snappin our fingers, and talking about how life used to be. two of my absolute faves that i have sort of rediscovered, or become re-obsessed with, rather, are Stand By Me (cllaaaassiiiccc!!) and another called Sincerely. both are at the bottom of my little playlist guy so go do yourself a favor and take a listen! it's just such classy, romantic, music. just makes you feel like you wanna love someone. and by romantic i mean like idealism and sentimentality.

on another romantic note, i discovered what i feel to be an incredibly romantic flower that is now one of my favorites. i love fresh flowers. i always have. in my house, one day, i want to always have fresh flowers. but this new, delightful, little find is called the peony. 

i swear i'm not wedding crazy, these are just the only pictures i could find that i really loved

the tulip

the daisy

yup, they're beautiful. other favorite flowers of mine that the peonies will be joining are:

the daffodil

k, girl chat over. that was fun. 

-new song obsession that isn't many decades old: disgusting- by good 'ol kesha. girl knows how to make a catchy song. 

transition

good news, all!! temporary tattoos are back!!!

holy crap. man, i wish that little guy was real. i used to have one right there before christmas that was a little pink heart and i miss that guy, too. and of course when i say i wish it was real, i mean i wish i could have it until like age 25 and then it would just rub off. or really just as long as i feel like it. 

and now, for the quote portion of our program:
-"Today I'm going to do something better than I've ever done." -Cormac McCarthy
-"I'd rather get cancer than be a vegetarian." 
-"Those glasses make you look like a lizard."

-"See, the problem with him is that he's too moral."

yup, this blog is pretty neat. 

jam handz

a new blog post only one day after the first??? unheard of!! and yet here it is. 

my first correction to make is that like a noob, i wrote in my last post that i am an english teaching major. this is false. i should edit these things, occasionally. i am a theatre arts education major and an english teaching minor. i am retarted.

thats why i love my english classes because its like a breath of fresh air. a break from theatre. and yet they're still deeply connected to each other, in a way. i love getting the opportunity to read and use my brain in a more analytic way instead of having it in creative mode like 24/7. 

but now onto the main event of this post! my jam handz. and i suppose i don't mean this literally because i have no jam in my possession. at all. mostly because i can't afford luxuries like jam. and i don't buy bread. BUT, you can tell how much i love food when you see the keys of my laptop plastered with bits of food. or grease. and my little food stained paw prints on my laptop screen. 

disgusting??? oh, probably so. but i've never pretended to be otherwise. 

a girl has got to stay loyal to her priorities! and if you couldn't guess, my first one is food. 

you have no idea how many icons featuring food i collected as a 16 year old. like at least fifteen. 

hey laura, drop dead

oh alright, blog audience, i will. and i deserve it! why? because it has been over a month since i've updated my blog. DISGUSTING!! in fact almost two months!! i am ashamed of myself. and am probably the worst blogger ever. but from this point forward i hope to never go this long without updating.


now! a new addition to my blog that i am excited about. and since it's my blog i can do whatever i want. so since i am english teaching minor i get to take english classes and read a lot of things that make me think and that are really just thought provoking. and so i realized that i've been writing all these things down in my spiral that i take notes in, but then at the end of the semester i just throw the notebook away. and this has been a common problem as long as i've been in college. or i suppose educated at all. so what good are all my thoughts and quotes? what difference do they make? none, that's what. and maybe they don't make that much of a difference here, but it's certainly far more than if they were in the trash. 

so here goes:

-so there's this short story called "the things they carried" by this guy named tim o'brien. and the thing that struck me most about the whole story was this line that said, "they carried ghosts." how intriguing is that? it's basically like a military story set in vietnam and talks about the guns they carry and military related items, but also all the sentimental items that remind them of humanity and home. they carried ghosts. things that weren't real. just memories. hopes. and it just made me think what ghosts i carry in my own life. what things do i hold on to for whatever reason that i should just let go of. i guess sometimes we just can't because they give us this inexplicable comfort that we need, however deluded it is. 

-From T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland "Where are the roots that clutch, what branches grow out of this stony rubbish? Son of man, you cannot say, or guess, for you know only a  heap of broken images" woah. i don't even know if i know what that means. but i am certainly sure that it's deep. 

-this kid's haiku that was in my group: "my still owl sits/forever to keep books of my branch/from falling like leaves. 

-Gwendolyn Brooks' poem We Real Cool 

We real cool. We

Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

yeah, i'm certain that i'm real cool. i don't know why i love 

that. for some reason i just feel like it's epic. all i can think of is how it ends with, we die soon. 

-The poem Luke Havergal

-"Well I like to eat,sleep,drink, and be in love. I like to work, read, learn, and understand life" -Langston Hughes i 

love that. like more than i love a whole lot of stuff. you get me, langston hughes. 

-From the poem Lady Lazarus by 'ol Sylvia Plath "Out of the ash/I rise with my red hair/And I eat men like air." this is the only 

thing that has ever made me wish i had red hair. i eat men 

like air. 

-Aldous Huxley saying that reading Edgar Allan Poe is like wearing diamond rings on all your fingers. lolz

this concludes my english 251 related rambles.

stuff that is currently what's up:

-these brownie things my roommate lauren makes that have oreos baked into them. uhhh chya

-"you look....like....a lesbian." says bryniffer to my roommate decked out in cornrows 

-a little video called "neature walk." seriously stop what you're doing and go look it up right now. and then watch episode 2. gee dangit. it's pretty neat. 

-the video called david blane street magic, episodes 2&3 

-justin freaking bieber. my newest song obsession of his is a little ditty called "favorite girl." aahhhh yeeahhhh. if you hate him then clearly you haven't seen his movie. in regular or 3D. which you should rectify immediately. 

-just eating in general. eating is so great. 

-byu basketball team!!!! omg i'm one of their biggest fans. seriously, i am. 

-the funnyordie video called bieber or die. bahahaha

yup, these things are what's up

-something i hate: girls that wear bedazzled jeans. homegirls, i hate you. 

transitionnnnnnnnn

i whip my hair back and forth. but no, really i do. only not for long because i have decided that in the relatively near future that i am going to cut my hair a good amount of short. why you ask? (well maybe you don't, but you're still gonna hear it) since i was like 16 or 17 i've been wanting to cut my hair short. but for various reasons i haven't been able to/i've been too scared. really for like the past year and a half or so it's really only been because i am scared. and then i decided that me being scared is not a good enough reason not to do anything. unless i'm like afraid for my safety or physical/emotional well being. but cutting my hair does not fall under any of these categories. and maybe none of you really care about this. 

but maybe you will care about this: think of a life where you're not afraid of anything. like legitimately you're not. except growing up. lol so yeah you're like peter pan. what a tragic existence that is, really. but i can't help but think of his line, "to die would be an awfully big adventure." how fascinating. living in a world where nothing stops you and there are no limits to what you want to do and be. and other people probably don't limit you either, because you're not scared of going around them. you're not scared to do what you want to do, or adapt when that doesn't work out. but being scared of growing up brings immaturity, of course, and selfishness. and of course it's fear. and maybe it's a greater fear than the usual ones that most of us experience. i imagine it would control everything you do and perhaps be just as terrifying. i don't know. i'm drifting. but really, i think a world where nothing scares me is like the most interesting thing in my life right now. 

hmmmm, these are my thoughts! and really, they're all i have. 

was that a decent update? i hope so.

you're the worst

and really, i am the worst at blogging in a timely manner. and not because i don't have things to say! (because clearly i pretty much always have too much) but because there always just seems to be about zero time. 


so being a full-fledge theatre ed major and english teaching minor that means that i am finally in exclusively legit classes. and bio 100. some of these classes include beginning stage combat, voice and diction, directing fundamentals, and storytelling. those are my most interesting ones. and when i sit in them i just think i can't believe that at the end of this someone is actually going to give me a degree for doing this. like that's just insane to me. i mean don't get me wrong it's so much freaking work but most days i just laugh and say to myself i can't believe that this is an actual degree. like this is actual school. this is real life.  bahaha high school sucks. 


so it's 2011 now, which is so odd to me. this is a new decade, people! and i'm pretty sure the biggest and most important decisions/changes of my life will occur within these next ten years. namely career, marriage, and ninos. yup, it's all coming together. a 1/4 of my life is already over! and i'm not gettin any younger, people. i just want to be and do everything just all at once! i just feel like this huge ball of energy waiting to burst, right now! i just want everything! i want it all. just everything worthwhile, and even those really fantastic things that aren't. namely, guilty pleasures. which turn out to also be worthwhile at the end of the day. 

stuff that's what's up

-pirating butt loads of music, namely the band phoenix

-christmas mixed cd exchanges w/ best friends

-having the most manly girls' apartment at liberty square

-our soon to exist nerf hoop. hoopz.

-being noticed. especially by attractive boys. face it girls,this will NEVER get old.

-people that find me endearing

-the MTV show, Made. every single episode. 

-this guy called m. ward that makes this terribly sad but really, really great song called 'poison cup'

-dinosaurs. as always.

-my new year's resolution to try new things. and by try new things i mean get a black boyfriend. uh yeah. that would be the coolest thing ever, obviously. 

-black jeans that can't fade (these have yet to come into existence)

-the song 'u smile' by justin bieber that is going to be played at my wedding. end of story. 

these things are what is currently up

the saddest thing about all of that is that i haven't commented at all about my new roommate!! namely one cardboard cutout of young justin bieber. and for all of you who "hate" him, maybe you wouldn't if he was your roommate. he is an excellent listener. 

um, no. you're wrong. this picture is not weird. at all. nbd. 

and for all of you thinking woa, this girl is ridiculous. and justin bieber at her wedding? what is she, 13? listen up people! we're so young! at least i am. i can do anything. i will do anything. i'm still waayyyyy too young to take everything so seriously. like those people who say they hate people who listen to the radio. attention: lighten up! being an elitist, or being pretentious is gay. there's so much to love. just everywhere! i love to do things just because i find them hilarious and wonderful, and playing 'u smile' at my wedding will be both of those things. i want to find more of these things in 2011. 

also, if you haven't heard of sufjan stevens your life is incomplete. period. 

also, also! the biggest thing that is up right now? sloths.

tell me that's not adorable. 

i may or may not have had this as my desktop for a few days...

so call me crazy but sometimes i feel like i can just feel everyone in like the whole entire world. i love to just think about how many people are existing, as well, right this second. everybody breathing and all their hearts beating and sort of just contributing to this joint energy. and you can't see it, but you can feel it. i mean don't misunderstand, these are super rare moments. but they do happen. sort of like when you just see something truly beautiful or amazing and just think that there has to be some other human on the planet feeling the same things you are. isn't the world amazing? aren't people amazing? they are. i just sometimes feel like there is a collective pulse, even if you can't always feel it. and it sort of makes ever being alone just impossible. there is so much existence! iloveit. 

just get it all out there, people! just let it all go.