crazy beautiful life

well just like ke$ha, i'm living the crazy/beautiful life right now. we're probs sisterz we're so similar. but really life is insane. in really good and also bad ways. that's just how life is!

TRUTHS ABOUT ME

-i am so neurotic

-i am so awkward

-i am so lucky these days

-i am very happy

-i get nervous

-i'm really easily embarrassed 

-i worry

 these are just some recent things i've noticed and have noticed in light of recent life events

song stuck in my head? gray and blue, by jaymay. it's on the playlist.

oh, it's wild

life is so crazy right now! some BIG things have happened to me!

FIRST:

i got a job!! i finally got a job! i have been so stressed about being able to find work upon returning to 'ol america and i did it! and my job is so sick. i work at the BYU library, AKA a library consistently rated in the top 3 of the nation's university libraries in the multimedia production unit. filming, editing, writing computer code/programming, and i set my own hours, and i can work up to 40 hours in the summer, and i can get a raise ever semester, and i don't have to work during finals week!! and a million other amazing things. how i got lucky enough to get this freaking ballin job i have no idea. but let's be real- i deserve it. 

SECOND:

i got my first ever speeding ticket. when i wasn't even speeding on purpose and wasn't even in a hurry. i just didn't know the speed limit. so now i had to pay $90 for the ticket and $60 to go to friggen traffic school. AT 8 AM ON A SATURDAY!! pleasant grove, you are dead to me. DEAD. and i got it the day after i found out i got my job. soooo yeah. convenient. 

THIRD:

i discovered spotify! i kept seeing so much crap about it from everyone on facebook and now i know why. it's great. 

FOURTH:

i'm addicted to facebook jeopardy. like seriously though. 

AND:

i made it through another valentine's day and lived to tell the tale! 

LAST:

so the life i'm living right now isn't really anything like what i thought it would be. like when i was in london and i thought about how life would be when i got back this was not it. in a lot of ways it's better. in some ways harder. anywayz i'm really happy. i'm really happy today.  

   best. game. ever.

TRAPPED

inside my apartment with no car and everyone is busy. 

doesn't everyone know it's thursday??? why are you busy??

i typed "fun" into google images and this is what popped up

January Appreciation Day

well, as my title suggests, happy january appreciation day, everybody!! as today is the last day of january, appreciation day is today. and i submit that it is totally irrelevant that january is, in fact, the worst month of the year. it's still great to have a holiday in our midst, right? right. as if you even have to ask.

you know what i wish?

i wish i could do pinterest. but sadly the mere thought of all the things i'd need to pin to keep up with it stresses me out. there's just so much out there, and how am i supposed to find it all?? i need to move on or else imma go on a tirade.

THE WAR ON WINTER
yup! let's start here. so i recently saw a poster inside the halls of BYU that made me incredibly pleased
 

 yes. this is that self same poster

i believe my exact words when i saw the title of this poster were, "YES! FINALLY!!" but quickly all that glee shattered into pieces. my brother informed me that this "war" was actually just an event lasting for one night. understandably, my disgust immediately surfaced. 

PEOPLE!! a WAR does NOT last for one night!! a war is a continuous barrage, an attack, against something that is inherently evil. i submit that winter is that evil thing. 

in fact, to quote my good friend Heather Katzenbach once snow had begun to pour outside a gathering of ours, "this is what hell will look like." i couldn't agree more, H Katz. now am i saying that i know how to begin this noble effort? sadly, no. this is a huge undertaking. but really, something should be done. because snow is the worst. also the cold. 

 hate.

 not so fun anymore, is it????

i believe i rest my case. 

i've already been back here a month. weird.  

because i have the attention span of a cat:

i can't do any of my homework like a normal human. so i will post some pics from my last romp about europe

 i did some modeling in Berlin when i was a child.

 victorious olympian. duh.

 Berlin Wall. boo!

 oh, wait! its not so scary after all!

 i hate when all the books get burned.

 my new boyfriend. it's serious.

 contemporary art

 colosseum excitement at dusk

you couldn't even pick me outta the crowd!

 oh yeah, now i'm definitely goin back

colosseum. in all its glory. 

 circus maximus? underwhelmed. 

close one!

sadly, this did not take as long as i hoped it would.

same old

i won't apologize for not updating this blog in over a month because that just gets old. that's just me. the only time i was able to update my blog like i wanted was when it was for a grade. actually i think i'm nearing in on 2 months without an update. ooooohhh well. i am just still me. 

i won't lie, my life feels sort of like a mess right now. sort of exactly like the mess that has been in my new room in my new apartment for the past 2 days. a big, gigantic pile of just stuff that you can't walk through, or even really sort through because there is just too much. so many things you don't recognize, and so many different things from a million different places. 

i am back in provo where i live, and where i guess is my home. i've written on this very blog about it being my home. it doesn't feel like my home right now. i feel like an outsider looking in from a very old memory- like i'm slowly remembering thing after thing about all my surroundings. i feel like everyone else can tell. they know i don't belong, too. i keep expecting to see everyone i know, but i don't recognize any faces. 

and then i do see someone i know! someone i haven't seen in almost a year! maybe they are my friend and maybe they're just someone i knew. both have happened so far. it's so exciting and surreal to see my friends but so weird to see the faces of people who i forgot existed. 

i've only been back in america for 3 weeks and now i'm back in provo and it's just a double transition. because provo is like no other place in the world. except i bet it's pretty similar to rexburg in most ways. and i have so many decisions to make right now that i'm not ready to make. i have to decide where i want to live in the summer and even where i want to live this NEXT year. i have to decide that this month. i have to plan this around the lives of other people. i have to plan around a million uncertainties. i want to find a job that i don't know if i'll be able to find. i have to make new friends that i don't know if i'll be able to make. i want to see old friends that might not have time to see me. they might be busy with their new friends and new lives. i'm worried that there just won't be a place for me to fit. or belong. but to be fair i worried about that in london, and a million other places in my life where i have always found a spot. 

i've seen a million things and been to so many new places but i'm still the same. i worry about the same things and i want the same things. and i just hope that everything will work out the way i want it to. but i know that i have a lot of people that love me and that everything will work out. 

maybe after a few weeks i'll assimilate and it will seem like i've just been here all along. like you couldn't even pick me out of a crowd as someone who didn't naturally belong here.

i hate:

i hate that i have dated so many, or really any, stupid boys. i know they are stupid because they can't spell, even with a smart phone, and don't know the difference between they're, there, and their, and your/you're. they also put commas in totally incorrect places and also love to text using 'u' and 'r' instead of just taking 4 more seconds to type 'you' and 'are.' oh, and they also need me to define many of the common words i use. and it's like i knew they were kinda dumb. but for some reason it did not deter me at the time.

 

i bet he has perfect spelling and punctuation habits.

i also hate that i own so few skirts it's stupid. as in i own 2 skirts. and both are black and both are pencil skirts. one is just tighter/higher waisted than the other.

oh and i also hate that i'm pretty much having finals week this week. since our program is over in a week and a half. saaaayy whhaattt?? you heard me.