just a quick thought

goat cheese is gross. 

it is my humble opinion that these things should NOT be making cheese or milk. and if they are it certainly should not be on or in my food. or mouth. it just shouldn't. 


that's it. 

what has my life become?

i don't know what i want this blog to be or become, so perhaps that's why it hasn't been anything at all for the past 6 months. i know it's why. the only knowledge or wisdom that i have to impart is about bros. so you know, nothing really important. BUT i did get a lot of you to read my blog for the first time ever, so i guess i should feel good about that. and in a way i do, because i said what needed to be said. again- i consider it a public service. 

my life has turned into a million things since i've written. i'm finally getting to make movies at work! like really make them. not just vaguely help. or help with one or two ideas. this week my movie was released! granted, it's only 28 seconds, but i'm really proud of it. i came up with the idea, and my incredibly delightful friend lauren and i then wrote the script, shot it, directed it, and produced it! she did the vast majority of the editing, and ryan composed the music for us. it feels really great. i love collaborating with talented people and i really hope a few other videos we made (that we couldn't release) will soon make it into the public eye. it's rewarding. and i'm not in many shows these days (ahem, or any) so i feel validated by the film work/contributions i'm making. 

ALSO i'm directing my show this semester. my senior project. the culmination of my education, really. i'm so nervous. but i'm also excited. it's dominating my entire life right now. it's owning me. so that's also why i'm not acting at all right now. besides the fact that i have basically had school/work from 9-7 every night, and there is no way i have any life time to rehearse. 

ALSO- you might have observed my incredibly attractive boyfriend in my video. i really love him a lot. especially that he's FINALLY back from his mission. he loves me despite the fact that i'm just a huge, crazy stressball, and sometimes just all-around insane. i'm so odd, but he is always there for me. not to get all emotional and annoying, but i appreciate him endlessly. he stands by me through my endless sass and attitude. 

 i don't want to make anyone vomit, and i hate being publicly presh so i'll only post 2 pictures of us.

so that's my biggest of life changes. i also don't wear makeup anymore. or maybe like once a week. or once every other week as was demonstrated by this past fortnight. as demonstrated here:

whoops, looks like i snuck in another one

but i stopped wearing it because it didn't really matter to dylan. he can never really tell when i'm wearing it and when i'm not. well, that's not true. when i am it'll be a few hours that we've been together and then he'll say hey! you're wearing makeup! so if it didn't matter to him i thought that maybe it shouldn't matter to me too much. but a big part of the reason why i've always worn makeup was to feel good about myself. so does that mean that i've been using makeup as a crutch in my life? well, yeah, it kinda does. and i didn't really like that. so these past 4 months of my make-up free life i've grown to love myself more, and how i look. and i've started to not be able to tell that big of a difference between my face when i am and am not wearing makeup. i really encourage it! i feel like it fosters self-confidence. while at first i thought everyone could tell i wasn't wearing makeup and would think that i was some type of freak, i soon realized that wasn't a thing at all. it wasn't reality. i have bad, frumpy days like everyone. but at least i don't feel like i'm relying on a sort of mask to help me feel good about myself on a daily basis. 

anyway, i think that's enough for today. 

bro spotting 101

it's the moment you've all been waiting for! the blog post many people have asked me to write! this is a little post detailing how to spot "a bro," and why you shouldn't date him.


let's face it, the provo bro population is practically bursting at the seams. to be honest, it often seems to me that the bros far outnumber the nice guys. now if you don't know what a bro is i'll try to help you out. this is pretty provo specific, but perhaps others of you can apply these little pearls of wisdom to your own demographics. i know, i know. you may be asking, why does laura think she's qualified to write this kind of post?? well blogosphere, my dating experiences over the past 2 years have been pretty much exclusively with bros, so i have come to know a thing or two about their species. 


what is a bro?
well ladies, a bro is many things. "tool," and "douche bag," are also some blunt terms that are sometimes applied to bros. but just because a guy is a bro doesn't mean that he's super tool-y all the time, just probably more than most. here, let me help you out with some indicators. 


-he may or may not live at such establishments as alpine village, the new up-and-coming monstrosity in so pro (what we like to call the alpine of the south) called the village, belmont, arlington, or any place sketchy. i've heard there's a bustling bro population at king henry, as well
-there's a good chance he has money. but this certainly isn't a qualification.
-he's probably dating/wants to date who we would classify as a "ho." (See *what is a "ho?")
-he may tan. publicly or privately. (if he does tan he is DEFINITELY a bro. there's just no doubt about it.)
-he probably works out. a lot. or says he does. or wishes he did.
-he really likes to play "soda pong," meaning that he probably secretly wishes he was playing beer pong. or at least likes to party.
-he says the words, "dog," "bro," "brosky, " or "brosef" in all seriousness
-he's super obsessed with sports, and makes it a point that everyone knows it. he may even periodically shout things like, "COME ON!!!!"
-he wears hats. yall know which ones i'm talking about. not legit baseball caps (that's just kind of endearing), and not fedoras (that's just kind of gay). this is not necessarily a dead giveaway, but in my experience bros are usually pretty into hats. 
-he frequents dance parties, and hangs out at places like the loft or studio 600. he lives for the halloween alpine dance
-he loves to wear the skank top even when it's only moderately warm outside, i.e. a tank top. the skank top is pretty much a definite bro giveaway. 
-he's well dressed. he may even judge other men for being poorly dressed.
-he is open about his affinity for swearing 
-he frequently tears other people down 
-he's a big fan of the ncmo. aka, the non committal make out


does any of this sound familiar? if you know a guy that possesses 3 or more of these traits chances are that he's a bro

are all bros bad guys?
no!! definitely not! bros are fun guys! they make excellent friends! often they have your back, will defend you to the end, and always invite you to do really fun stuff. i love having bros as my friends. they're funny and can entertain you with their blatant bro-ness. just because a guy is a bro doesn't mean that he isn't a good man. (although, if there's an excess of sketchery he probably is not a good guy. you have to be the judge on that one.) the point is, have as many bro friends as you want. JUST DON'T DATE THEM. 


why shouldn't i date a bro?
oh my gosh, so glad you asked. just so many reasons. here's some bro dating advice. if you've recently started dating a bro, or are thinking about dating a bro- DON'T DO IT!!! you may find yourself thinking/saying
-"i mean he kinda comes off like a bro, but he's actually really nice!"

ladies!!! if he comes off as a bro, or kinda seems like a bro, it's because he IS a bro!!! and just because he looks really nice doesn't mean that he is really nice. move along.

-"well, he's kind of a bro right now, but i bet i can get him to settle down."

 no. no, you really can't. bros only stop being bros on their own time. usually after mannnnyyy years of being a bro, and then realizing that it's time to grow up. this cannot be rushed. chances are that he wants to hook up with you, or casually date you for a while. he probably does not want to marry you. bottom line, you can't wait for bros to stop being bros because 98% of the time, it's just not going to happen. 

-"i know i'm not his usual type, but i think that's what he needs."

you're probably right about that, but he's probably not going to see it that way. either a bro will stop being a bro on his own time, or he'll just keep being a bro and marry a ho. and they will have douche bag children that we all know and hate. simple as that.   

*what is a "ho?"

again, so glad you asked. a category provo "ho" is by no means, necessarily, skanky. she certainly, certainly could be. about half the time they are. for the most part the term "ho" is really just a way for us to classify the counterpart for the bro. and it rhymes. here are some good ways to spot a provo ho. 

-she tans

-her hair is always perfectly curled/styled at all times

-perfect/full makeup at all times

-hates nature

-has money

-shopaholic

-says things like, "omg, shut up!!!!"

-obsessed with instagram

-always texting, even when you're talking to her

-basically follows all rules on this site 

-possibly reeaalllllyyy dumb

-has trouble making girl friends

-is often involved in girl drama

-used to be/is/wants to be a cheerleader

-goes to the gym with perfect hair/make up/skimpy outfit

-very clique-y. these girls often think that there is no clique problem

-lives at the same aforementioned "bro" living establishments

-frequently goes hot tubbing so she can show off her hot suit/bod

-she's hot. she knows it. bros are like this, too.

-always/frequently immodest. as lame as it sounds, it's the dead giveaway. let's be honest, it's provo. it's very socially acceptable to wear tankinis, sleeves, and normal shorts/skirts/dresses/pants.

*SIDENOTE: if your pockets fall below where your shorts cut off, your shorts are too short.  

you look ridiculous. seriously.

does any of this sound familiar? if you know a girl that has 3 or more of these traits, it's very likely that she's a provo ho. 

 so what?

so, if at the end of the day all you want to do is hook up with some hot guy while also doing whatever you want while you're not with him, then you should definitely date a bro! but if you want to seriously, exclusively date someone with the intent to marry them, then do not date a bro. and from my own personal experience, bros do not make you feel good about yourself. the most selfish of bros just want to feel good about themselves, and they want you to make them feel good about themselves, too. 

how about we all go and find some nice boys to date. yes?

so little time, so few organs

when will i ever be good at blogging? oh, that's right. never. unless i'm somehow in another position where writing on my blog is attached to my grade. yes, that is when.

what's new?

 well, i'll tell you, blog! for starters, i am now without another organ. for those of you who don't know, i was born with only one kidney. who knows why, just a big cosmic joke from the universe that no one thinks is funny. well probably a lot of people think it's kinda funny, but most days i don't. but yea, i got my appendix out!

 yup, that's me in the ER on mother's day night after i just found out that i had appendicitis. one minute i was fine, and then i thought i was dying, and i kept feelin that way for a few hours. so i called up the ol brosef and he took me to the doctor, and they told me to go to the hospital. so that is exactly what we did! at 12:30 am after we had been there for over two hours i was really regretting the decision to go since i thought they'd probably tell me it was nothing, but turns out it was something. so at 12:30 am i started calling my family, and texting school cohorts to tell teachers, and really regretting that i was in school at all. at at 2 am they admitted me, and at 10am i had my surgery! and i told my work i would be missing a few days and they told me they wouldn't fire me. so that's been fun. or something.

oh, hey. 0% fun. 

me in my actual room, after surgery, with mouse.

this is how i really felt.

the best part? easy. gettin all drugged up. 

what?? you want to see easter pics??? well, ok. 

 this deformed and disgusting egg was supposed to represent alex

 and this gem was supposed to represent em's head. incredible likeness, fursure

so excited for egg dying you have no idea

you're lookin at the pure spirit of easter, my friends

look at these presh darlings!

 one of our finer moments, clearly

and to top it all off, 

i got to see one of my best fwends!!

it doesn't get better than this

 first time i saw jake in over 2 years!!

all because i knew what you really wanted was a photo montage of my life. you're welcome.

oh also, my sister graduated from college! don't worry everyone, i'll get some of those pics up, too. i can't believe that it's already almost june and that we're well into summertime. i feel happy. and i don't think it's just because i'm on lortab right now. so much is going on. i just want to be meaningful. does that make sense? i hope it does. 

i'm an athlete

I RAN A 5K!!! Can you believe it??

 

 the whole crew runnin for romania!

 gah. we got photo bombed

 free swag!!

 CELEBRATION AT MCDONALDS!!!

neither did anyone else. that's why we took so many pictures. 

this whole thing was no bigs for alex, who has run like a billion 5ks/miles in his life. but for me and young bryniffer, this was big shiz. truthfully i've wanted to do something like this for a really long time. i've always wanted to do the komen walk for the cure but i've always thought i probably couldn't. and i was afraid of people's reactions when i told them i wanted to do it. so i haven't. fear keeping me from doing yet another thing!

but this was just the perfect opportunity! i've been running on the treadmill for the past few months at the gym so i felt reasonably trained, and now just seemed like the time when i heard about the run for romania. so i called my brother and told him about it, to which he laughed and said, "you don't run!" and i told him i ran at the gym! and then he started to take me seriously, thought it was great, and said he'd run with me. a supporter! i was really scared to even tell him about it, partly because of his reaction and partly because i figured once he knew i was interested that i would definitely have to run. and that's exactly what happened. for which i was grateful for, but also scared. 

and then i recruited bryn! who at first told me that she definitely did not run. but i don't know, then she changed her mind! and she agreed to run with us!!! even though she was terrified. even though she was really scared. and she cramped up and my asthma made me think i was going to die, BUT WE DID IT!!! AGAINST ALL ODDS!!! and i'm so proud of us.

and everyone was shocked. rightly so, since i'm notorious for hating all physical activity/movement. but i dunno. i guess i'm changing. my sister was like you? you ran a 5k? everyone gave me some sort of variation of "i'm so surprised! good for you!" 

this is what i'm trying to get at!

my whole life i've limited myself, and i've allowed other people to limit me. even though i've wanted to do a 5k for years i've been afraid that people would laugh and think i couldn't do it. and maybe i couldn't. i've been afraid of people telling me how i don't run. and then i'm just like yeah, you're right, i don't run. and then i just keep not running. people don't invite me to do anything athletic because they just think, oh laura hates that. well i do whatever i want these days! i hike! i play soccer! and i even run! and anything else that comes to mind. i want to be better. i want to do more. i have to believe in myself more.

 

eggsactly

it's easter!! and i had a great day. pictures will follow! and won't that be a fun day?


i want to take a sec to quote a few peeps


c.s. lewis
i believe in christianity as i believe that the sun has risen. not only because i see it, but because by it i see everything else. 


christ is real. our heavenly father is real. the atonement is real- it redeems us from our sins and heals us from our griefs. i know it because i've felt it. there is an infinite amount of love available to all of us. i wish this could sound as true as it is. everything good in my life comes from these truths. 


oscar hammerstein
Why do I believe I am happy? Death has deprived me of many whom I loved. Dismal failure has followed many of my most earnest efforts. People have disappointed me. I have disappointed them. I have disappointed myself. From all this evidence, could I not build up a strong case to prove why I am not happy at all? I could, but it would be a false picture, as false as if I were to describe a tree only as it looks in winter. I would be leaving out a list of people I love, who have not died. I would be leaving out an acknowledgement of the many successes that have sprouted among my many failures. I would be leaving out the blessing of good health, the joy of walking in the sunshine. I don’t believe anyone can enjoy living in this world unless he can accept its imperfection. He must know and admit that he is imperfect, that all other mortals are imperfect, that it is childish to allow these imperfections to destroy all his hope and all his desire to live.

i love that. to only focus on the disappointments and failures of my life would be to ignore all the joy, success, and blessings i have experienced. there is so much good in the world, and so much good in my life. i have faith in all the best things in this world. because i have to.

next time:

that one time i ran a 5k. 

you heard me!!!!

my name is laura, and i like who i am.

so, to be fair, i stole this title from my friend sadie's blog, except that it had her name instead of mine. of course. it was just a link at the bottom of one of her pages from like two years ago. and i really loved that thought. 

i live a good life. people love me and i love them. and i've lived so much of my life feeling so self-conscious. always fearing i wasn't good enough for whatever, for whatever reason. 

i've worried that:

-i'm not pretty enough

-i'm not smart enough

-i don't work hard enough

-i'm not talented enough

-i'm not sporty enough

-i'm not funny enough

-i'm not kind enough

-i'm too loud

-i'm too mean

-i'm too opinionated

-i talk too much

and probably a million more

but it doesn't matter. none of it matters. to some people i'm not smart enough. i'm not talented enough, and i'm not pretty enough. 

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER!

 it doesn't! it really doesn't! and it's a truth that has set me free! well, at least as long as i make sure to remember it. none of it matters because i love me. i always want to try to be better, but i like who i am. 

i'm smart. i'm loving. i'm sensitive. i'm incredibly awkward at times. sometimes i lose my temper. i'm passionate. i care. i'm loyal. i'm dedicated. i work hard. i try to understand. i want to be better. i'm talented. i'm funny. i don't give up. i try really hard. i get scared, but i try to never let my fear control me! i want to see the world! i want to see everything. i want to know everything. i like to add the letter 'z' on to words that should end in an 's.' lovez it. i don't want to fight. i want to be happy. i am happy. i have faith. i have hope. sometimes i say too much. sometimes i tell the same story more than once. i talk too much. sometimes i'm too loud. sometimes my jokes aren't funny. but i like me. i like who i am. so even if i'm not good enough for anybody else, it just doesn't matter. i can only be what i am. and there are people that love me for exactly what i am, regardless of my faults. and THAT'S what matters.