oh no! youths!

i wish i was seventeen again. instead of half way to twenty one. 


seriously. where does the time go? i will never go to high school with the people i went to high school with ever again. and that is sort of sad.

enjoy it. your life is empty without this link to this video

girl, you old

today is my half-birthday! and by today i mean the 22nd because by the time i post this it will be the 23rd. but yes, i am now half way to 21! and i thought this would be far more exciting than it has been. i guess 21 is kinda old. when i sometimes stop and think about the fact that i'm supposed to be an adult, or at least some form of one, it freaks me out. especially when i think about the fact that i am soon to start my JUNIOR year of COLLEGE!! BARF!!! where the freak does the time go??? i swear i was just a junior in high school. like just. and technically in january i'll be classified as a senior in college which is really, truly, ridiculous. i'm too young to be a junior in college. excuse me while i throw up. 

phew!! i'm back. alright, now shiz is about to get a little girlie. so i guess i'll write all this in a nice pink color so you can know where to pick up if you feel you are already bored. pink. begin. so recently my roommates and i aged about 40-50 years and had a classic motown jam sesh. we were just layin back, snappin our fingers, and talking about how life used to be. two of my absolute faves that i have sort of rediscovered, or become re-obsessed with, rather, are Stand By Me (cllaaaassiiiccc!!) and another called Sincerely. both are at the bottom of my little playlist guy so go do yourself a favor and take a listen! it's just such classy, romantic, music. just makes you feel like you wanna love someone. and by romantic i mean like idealism and sentimentality.

on another romantic note, i discovered what i feel to be an incredibly romantic flower that is now one of my favorites. i love fresh flowers. i always have. in my house, one day, i want to always have fresh flowers. but this new, delightful, little find is called the peony. 

i swear i'm not wedding crazy, these are just the only pictures i could find that i really loved

the tulip

the daisy

yup, they're beautiful. other favorite flowers of mine that the peonies will be joining are:

the daffodil

k, girl chat over. that was fun. 

-new song obsession that isn't many decades old: disgusting- by good 'ol kesha. girl knows how to make a catchy song. 

transition

good news, all!! temporary tattoos are back!!!

holy crap. man, i wish that little guy was real. i used to have one right there before christmas that was a little pink heart and i miss that guy, too. and of course when i say i wish it was real, i mean i wish i could have it until like age 25 and then it would just rub off. or really just as long as i feel like it. 

and now, for the quote portion of our program:
-"Today I'm going to do something better than I've ever done." -Cormac McCarthy
-"I'd rather get cancer than be a vegetarian." 
-"Those glasses make you look like a lizard."

-"See, the problem with him is that he's too moral."

yup, this blog is pretty neat. 

jam handz

a new blog post only one day after the first??? unheard of!! and yet here it is. 

my first correction to make is that like a noob, i wrote in my last post that i am an english teaching major. this is false. i should edit these things, occasionally. i am a theatre arts education major and an english teaching minor. i am retarted.

thats why i love my english classes because its like a breath of fresh air. a break from theatre. and yet they're still deeply connected to each other, in a way. i love getting the opportunity to read and use my brain in a more analytic way instead of having it in creative mode like 24/7. 

but now onto the main event of this post! my jam handz. and i suppose i don't mean this literally because i have no jam in my possession. at all. mostly because i can't afford luxuries like jam. and i don't buy bread. BUT, you can tell how much i love food when you see the keys of my laptop plastered with bits of food. or grease. and my little food stained paw prints on my laptop screen. 

disgusting??? oh, probably so. but i've never pretended to be otherwise. 

a girl has got to stay loyal to her priorities! and if you couldn't guess, my first one is food. 

you have no idea how many icons featuring food i collected as a 16 year old. like at least fifteen. 

hey laura, drop dead

oh alright, blog audience, i will. and i deserve it! why? because it has been over a month since i've updated my blog. DISGUSTING!! in fact almost two months!! i am ashamed of myself. and am probably the worst blogger ever. but from this point forward i hope to never go this long without updating.


now! a new addition to my blog that i am excited about. and since it's my blog i can do whatever i want. so since i am english teaching minor i get to take english classes and read a lot of things that make me think and that are really just thought provoking. and so i realized that i've been writing all these things down in my spiral that i take notes in, but then at the end of the semester i just throw the notebook away. and this has been a common problem as long as i've been in college. or i suppose educated at all. so what good are all my thoughts and quotes? what difference do they make? none, that's what. and maybe they don't make that much of a difference here, but it's certainly far more than if they were in the trash. 

so here goes:

-so there's this short story called "the things they carried" by this guy named tim o'brien. and the thing that struck me most about the whole story was this line that said, "they carried ghosts." how intriguing is that? it's basically like a military story set in vietnam and talks about the guns they carry and military related items, but also all the sentimental items that remind them of humanity and home. they carried ghosts. things that weren't real. just memories. hopes. and it just made me think what ghosts i carry in my own life. what things do i hold on to for whatever reason that i should just let go of. i guess sometimes we just can't because they give us this inexplicable comfort that we need, however deluded it is. 

-From T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland "Where are the roots that clutch, what branches grow out of this stony rubbish? Son of man, you cannot say, or guess, for you know only a  heap of broken images" woah. i don't even know if i know what that means. but i am certainly sure that it's deep. 

-this kid's haiku that was in my group: "my still owl sits/forever to keep books of my branch/from falling like leaves. 

-Gwendolyn Brooks' poem We Real Cool 

We real cool. We

Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

yeah, i'm certain that i'm real cool. i don't know why i love 

that. for some reason i just feel like it's epic. all i can think of is how it ends with, we die soon. 

-The poem Luke Havergal

-"Well I like to eat,sleep,drink, and be in love. I like to work, read, learn, and understand life" -Langston Hughes i 

love that. like more than i love a whole lot of stuff. you get me, langston hughes. 

-From the poem Lady Lazarus by 'ol Sylvia Plath "Out of the ash/I rise with my red hair/And I eat men like air." this is the only 

thing that has ever made me wish i had red hair. i eat men 

like air. 

-Aldous Huxley saying that reading Edgar Allan Poe is like wearing diamond rings on all your fingers. lolz

this concludes my english 251 related rambles.

stuff that is currently what's up:

-these brownie things my roommate lauren makes that have oreos baked into them. uhhh chya

-"you look....like....a lesbian." says bryniffer to my roommate decked out in cornrows 

-a little video called "neature walk." seriously stop what you're doing and go look it up right now. and then watch episode 2. gee dangit. it's pretty neat. 

-the video called david blane street magic, episodes 2&3 

-justin freaking bieber. my newest song obsession of his is a little ditty called "favorite girl." aahhhh yeeahhhh. if you hate him then clearly you haven't seen his movie. in regular or 3D. which you should rectify immediately. 

-just eating in general. eating is so great. 

-byu basketball team!!!! omg i'm one of their biggest fans. seriously, i am. 

-the funnyordie video called bieber or die. bahahaha

yup, these things are what's up

-something i hate: girls that wear bedazzled jeans. homegirls, i hate you. 

transitionnnnnnnnn

i whip my hair back and forth. but no, really i do. only not for long because i have decided that in the relatively near future that i am going to cut my hair a good amount of short. why you ask? (well maybe you don't, but you're still gonna hear it) since i was like 16 or 17 i've been wanting to cut my hair short. but for various reasons i haven't been able to/i've been too scared. really for like the past year and a half or so it's really only been because i am scared. and then i decided that me being scared is not a good enough reason not to do anything. unless i'm like afraid for my safety or physical/emotional well being. but cutting my hair does not fall under any of these categories. and maybe none of you really care about this. 

but maybe you will care about this: think of a life where you're not afraid of anything. like legitimately you're not. except growing up. lol so yeah you're like peter pan. what a tragic existence that is, really. but i can't help but think of his line, "to die would be an awfully big adventure." how fascinating. living in a world where nothing stops you and there are no limits to what you want to do and be. and other people probably don't limit you either, because you're not scared of going around them. you're not scared to do what you want to do, or adapt when that doesn't work out. but being scared of growing up brings immaturity, of course, and selfishness. and of course it's fear. and maybe it's a greater fear than the usual ones that most of us experience. i imagine it would control everything you do and perhaps be just as terrifying. i don't know. i'm drifting. but really, i think a world where nothing scares me is like the most interesting thing in my life right now. 

hmmmm, these are my thoughts! and really, they're all i have. 

was that a decent update? i hope so.

you're the worst

and really, i am the worst at blogging in a timely manner. and not because i don't have things to say! (because clearly i pretty much always have too much) but because there always just seems to be about zero time. 


so being a full-fledge theatre ed major and english teaching minor that means that i am finally in exclusively legit classes. and bio 100. some of these classes include beginning stage combat, voice and diction, directing fundamentals, and storytelling. those are my most interesting ones. and when i sit in them i just think i can't believe that at the end of this someone is actually going to give me a degree for doing this. like that's just insane to me. i mean don't get me wrong it's so much freaking work but most days i just laugh and say to myself i can't believe that this is an actual degree. like this is actual school. this is real life.  bahaha high school sucks. 


so it's 2011 now, which is so odd to me. this is a new decade, people! and i'm pretty sure the biggest and most important decisions/changes of my life will occur within these next ten years. namely career, marriage, and ninos. yup, it's all coming together. a 1/4 of my life is already over! and i'm not gettin any younger, people. i just want to be and do everything just all at once! i just feel like this huge ball of energy waiting to burst, right now! i just want everything! i want it all. just everything worthwhile, and even those really fantastic things that aren't. namely, guilty pleasures. which turn out to also be worthwhile at the end of the day. 

stuff that's what's up

-pirating butt loads of music, namely the band phoenix

-christmas mixed cd exchanges w/ best friends

-having the most manly girls' apartment at liberty square

-our soon to exist nerf hoop. hoopz.

-being noticed. especially by attractive boys. face it girls,this will NEVER get old.

-people that find me endearing

-the MTV show, Made. every single episode. 

-this guy called m. ward that makes this terribly sad but really, really great song called 'poison cup'

-dinosaurs. as always.

-my new year's resolution to try new things. and by try new things i mean get a black boyfriend. uh yeah. that would be the coolest thing ever, obviously. 

-black jeans that can't fade (these have yet to come into existence)

-the song 'u smile' by justin bieber that is going to be played at my wedding. end of story. 

these things are what is currently up

the saddest thing about all of that is that i haven't commented at all about my new roommate!! namely one cardboard cutout of young justin bieber. and for all of you who "hate" him, maybe you wouldn't if he was your roommate. he is an excellent listener. 

um, no. you're wrong. this picture is not weird. at all. nbd. 

and for all of you thinking woa, this girl is ridiculous. and justin bieber at her wedding? what is she, 13? listen up people! we're so young! at least i am. i can do anything. i will do anything. i'm still waayyyyy too young to take everything so seriously. like those people who say they hate people who listen to the radio. attention: lighten up! being an elitist, or being pretentious is gay. there's so much to love. just everywhere! i love to do things just because i find them hilarious and wonderful, and playing 'u smile' at my wedding will be both of those things. i want to find more of these things in 2011. 

also, if you haven't heard of sufjan stevens your life is incomplete. period. 

also, also! the biggest thing that is up right now? sloths.

tell me that's not adorable. 

i may or may not have had this as my desktop for a few days...

so call me crazy but sometimes i feel like i can just feel everyone in like the whole entire world. i love to just think about how many people are existing, as well, right this second. everybody breathing and all their hearts beating and sort of just contributing to this joint energy. and you can't see it, but you can feel it. i mean don't misunderstand, these are super rare moments. but they do happen. sort of like when you just see something truly beautiful or amazing and just think that there has to be some other human on the planet feeling the same things you are. isn't the world amazing? aren't people amazing? they are. i just sometimes feel like there is a collective pulse, even if you can't always feel it. and it sort of makes ever being alone just impossible. there is so much existence! iloveit. 

just get it all out there, people! just let it all go.

blog, i have missed thee

so due to finals i had to take a sad little blog break. but whatever now i'm back and blogging stronger than ever to the delight/dismay of some of you. and since i've been gone for so long this is going to be one long super-blog post!

so i'm back in texas! i love texas. but i love provo, too. i've already commented on the different lives that i live in both places. and really neither one is better than the other, just different. but one of my favorite things about being back here is spending time with all my best friends and favorite humans that i grew up with. just people that have made me who i am! and really it's always like time hasn't even passed at all.

contrasts of my life

this is me and my brother with our tree at home right after thanksgiving

this is me and my sister with her tree we decorated my first day back after thanksgiving

yeah, i love them both

my view outside my window in provo (i'm missing this little guy right now!)

my view outside my window here at home!

again, i love them both! (except for the fact that my blinds in provo are sseeeeerrioouussslly jacked up.)

its just odd being here and being like yeah i don't live here, so how should i know? i don't live in this house, this city, or even this state! but then when i'm in provo i'm like well i'm not from here! how am i supposed to know?? its just such an interesting concept to me! k i swear this is the last blog post where i'll continue to yap about this. 

most recent obsessions/pet peeves

-temporary tattoos!!!! i love, love, love them!! if i could get a tattoo from the age of like 17-25 i think i would probably do it in like a second. my favs have been this little one i had on my wrist and this little one behind my ear. and everyone at school can't tell if they're real or not and if they should be judging me or not. and i love when i sometimes catch people looking at them. because at that point they're like trying to size me up and decide what they think i'm all about. except i really can't think of one thing i want permanently (or ideally semi-permanently) on my skin for more than like a week. so that's the problem. 

-have i mentioned how i hate when babies are in classes? (unless you go to byu you are probably unfamiliar with this phenomenon) yeah if your baby is in my class while i'm trying to learn then chances are that i hate both you and your baby. you're the worst. your baby is the worst. you should have thought about this before you had a baby at the age of 21. 

-christmas music. it's the best thing ever. 

-i hate when i allow things/people to make me nervous. and then as a result i usually don't feel like i come off in a way that accurately portrays me. 

-i hate when i make idiot moron comments like "these are jokes" to people that i'm trying to impress. because instead of seeming funny and interesting, i seem like i have a learning disability of some sort. 

- i love finding people that have the exact same sense of humor as me. (this is like the rarest thing ever.) and when i actually successfully make the joke, "these are the jokes," they actually find that, and me, funny. 

-dog days are over by florence + the machine. but we all love that song, right? so whats new.

closing remarks

this week i had an interview for my study abroad in london for the fall. they told me it was art/writing centered and asked me to basically justify myself as a writer and submit a writing sample. so i then went into the archives of things i've written over the past few years that i liked and saved. my senior year in english v  we all had to write a valedictorian speech and then read it to each other. and i really liked mine, so i saved it. and then when i was searching for a writing sample i re-read it and turns out i still really like it and i like all the thoughts and sentiments i wrote about. and i still find it to be really true. and interesting. and i thought some of you might like it, too. 

so if you want to read the thoughts of an 18 year old about to embark on the next part of her life, read ahead! but if not, go do me a favor and give yourself a temporary tattoo.

Hello Class of 2009. Some of you I like, some of you I don't like, but most of you I just really don't know at all. Today is the culmination of roughly 13 years of hard work; we all have that in common. There were probably so many days we all felt like quitting, like all of this wasn't worth it, but we're all still here while half of our original class has gone by the wayside. So what kept us all here? Was it the possibility of a good job, our parents, fear, extra-curriculars, or our friends? Maybe it was a little bit of everything. But I guess it doesn't really matter because its finally over. And most of us can't even remember all the pain and suffering that went into it. Chances are when we look back we remember glimmers of teachers we liked and hated, projects that were really hard, classes we didn't like, people we loved, and fun times we had. But chances are they really are just glimmers; one big mental montage of everything we worked so hard for. And chances are you spent lots and lots of hours learning lots of things that from this point forward you will never have to know again. Which is good because you're done with it, but frustrating because it's wasted time; we had to learn it just because we had to; it was a requirement. Which means if we had spent less time in classes that didn't really have a purpose we could have been out of here even faster! The glimmers would be shorter and faster. But maybe what we were supposed to learn is that hey, it's just life, and a lot of the time you have to do things you don't want or think you need to do just because someone that has more power over you says so. Maybe part of the real world really was in high school. Or maybe the lesson was supposed to be hey, don't waste your time when it's yours to control. Theoretically you can do just about anything you want come the day after graduation, so don't waste it. And whatever you do, don't let school, or your job, or whatever you're doing become the dominant thing in your life. All those things can't love you, talk to you, hug you, keep you company, sing you a song, or make you happy in the way you always wanted to be. Sure we all want success, and many of us crave power, but at the end of the day if we've spent all our time building our empire and leave all the people that really matter, then in the end we've really lost. Success really only feels good when we have people we love around to validate it. So keep working hard, keep moving towards the things that really matter in life, stop wasting time doing things that won't matter in the next five minutes, and don't forget about the people that love you. Because chances are they're the only thing that kept you from going crazy these last roughly 13 years. And from this point forward if we're not living the life we always wanted to live, we have only ourselves to blame. Because as an “adult” but really as a human being, we now have that right. Congratulations class of 2009, we're finally free.

boyz

alright world, listen up. every girl (whether she admits it or not) has a list of men she'd give up her morals for. i am no different. here is my list:

 

Leonardo Di Caprio in Romeo and Juliet. 

OH MY GOSH

Milo Ventimiglia. 

You may remember him from Gilmore Girls where my extreme obsession first started

James Franco

Uh, explanation not necessary. 

yeah, i would do terrible things to be with any one of these men. that being said, adultery is not cool.

And now for the waiting list of men to replace the originals should they die. (Or in Leo's case, should pictures of him in that movie cease to exist):

Adam Brody

I may or may not have had a poster of his face in my room for like five years

Adrian Grenier

Some of you might recognize him from Entourage. Or what I like to recognize him from: Drive Me Crazy

James McAvoy

Yeah, he's attractive.

judge away!!!

and while you're judging, i will mention that i ate oreos for breakfast today and like 3-4 times a week i eat frozen dinners. what a sad and lazy life that i lead. it is realizations like this that make me miss my mom the most. moms rule!!!