ADDICTED

this has gotta be a quick one because it's finals week and i'm a busy kid. but over the past week and a half after i drove to sacramento for my brother's wedding i have become obsessed with This American Life. if you haven't heard of it it's brought to you by pri, public radio international, and based in chicago (station wbze, i believe. they say it every program and i've been listening to A LOT lately.) i think you can listen to it on npr, although i wouldn't know because i don't listen to the radio or know what station npr is. for some reason i feel like it's on satellite radio but i'm also sure that it isn't, but rather it's on some elusive radio station i have no idea how to access. 

i'm writing this because i reallllllllly want to finish listening to my episode that i'm on right now. or any episode really. but i can't because i have mass work to do for finals. so instead of listening to this american life i'm telling you how much i want to listen to it. some of my favorite ones that are just captivating and fascinating are #76- mob, #65-who's canadian? and #86- how to take money from strangers

they're just so good. if you've never listened to it go to their website NOW!! and listen to one! it's free to stream! and you can download the weekly one for free, which i have of course been doing. i also hesitate to keep listening because i really like to listen to them as i get ready in the morning and as i walk to school. i don't want to run out!

this is the host, ira glass. he needs to be in your life. 

in all its glory. this american life. and if its really a show it absolutely needs to be in my life. 

ALSO! i got a .55 raise at work today instead of the usual .20! lots of happiness.

OBSESSED

More than anything else in my life right now I am absolutely obsessed with this blog. I've been reading it for the last 2-3 hours instead of doing the hours and hours of work that I actually need to do. 

Forty Days of Dating

Go here now!! It's fascinating. Its just made me think about myself, my marriage, my insecurities, my short comings, my quirks, and my strengths. It's been making me completely examine my life, which I think is incredibly worth while. It also reminds me of just how hard dating is. How sometimes no matter how hard you try, things just don't work out. After reading this blog I'm reminded of how impossible dating sometimes seems. We all have baggage, were raised differently, and have so many things we love/hate/want/need/are. How can two people ever match up when we're all so different? But sometimes they do. Sometimes it all works. You have to work at it, but it just makes sense. 

The artwork is from the blog!

Reading this blog I really want these two to be a couple. I really want it to "work out." But that's just because I've been raised on American romantic comedies and Jane Austen novels. You always want to believe that people can be in love, and that it can (and will) last. You want to believe that people can work it out, and be happy forever. I don't think I'll ever stop wanting to believe and see that. Because I think it gives me hope in my own relationship; that my relationship is and will always be something worth working for. No matter what. 

Perhaps the best advice my dad (or anyone) ever gave me came about a year ago. He said, do you want to know what the hardest thing will be to do once you get married? And I said, I don't know. Not get divorced? (My parents are divorced and my dad has been married 4 times, so it's sort of a greatest fear of mine. Besides drowning, or my breaks cutting out on the freeway.) And he sort of laughed and said, no. Just don't get divorced. 

Just don't get divorced. 

It all reminds me of one of my all time favorite quotes. This sounds stupid but it's from Ben Affleck's Oscar acceptance speech this year. He said about his marriage with Jennifer Garner:

"It's good, it is work, but it's the best kind of work, and there's no one I'd rather work with." 

He got a lot of flack for this quote after calling their marriage "work," but he was just being honest! Relationships are work! For me, the very best things in life (and the things I'm most proud of) come from hard work. I find it so gratifying and satisfying. It proves that I care enough about something to give it all I have. My husband and I have worked very, very hard on our relationship over the past 3 and a half years and I'm so proud of where we are today. And to me there's no greater compliment than to say: It's the best kind of work. And there's no one I'd rather work with. 

semi-firsts

just took my first bubble bath in years and it was delightful! lavender bubble bath, and lavender bath salts. although it went off to a rocky start when i realized that the tub wasn't getting any fuller after like 4 inches because my drain stopper (technical term) is broken. so i stuffed a bottle down in there and voila! bath! i now need to find an actual drain stopper. 

CURRENT MUSICAL LOVES:

1) Song- Monday Morning by Death Cab for Cutie

2) Album- Young the Giant by ...Young the Giant. (Great cover art on this one, too.)

3) Pandora- JAZZ!! OMGosh I am loving me some jazz right now on pandora. It's putting me in the best mood. The actual station name is Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. Highly recommend it. 

In other news:

Alex is getting married on Saturday and I get to see my family! I am excited for the little road trip and for what a fun/great day Saturday will be! 

AND!

My research paper deadline got extended until Tuesday!! Yippee!!!!!!!!

goin to DC

one week from today i am going to DC!!!!

basically all expenses paid trip to go to a national theatre education conference. that reminds me i'm supposed to write a thank you letter for the grant we got to go. but i'm so excited!! i love that city!!!

except that it probably won't look like that at all because DC is super hot and humid this time of year

 here's a shot from the very first time i ever went to the 'ol deec (as i like to call it) at age 18. if you zoom in on that picture you can see my sweat. yeah. warmness. 

and here are a few from the last time i was there like 3 years ago. clearly it is a really sunny place.












saw some adorable dinos like this steggy at the museum of natural history














and here is me with my momz by the capitol! quite a ways from the capitol, if we're being honest.

anywho, i am excited. and then it's my brother's wedding and i get to see my family!!!!! 

that is all for now. i think my co worker is occasionally glaring at my computer screen and judging me for blogging at work. oh well!

THE WALKING DEAD

saw the first episode. only mildly interested. told my husband i was "15% invested" in the remainder of the series. he heard "15% interested", and i suppose that's about the same thing. 

I EXPECTED MORE.

DISAPPOINTED.

lower my standards

maybe if i'm more okay with posting really short posts then i'll write on this blog more. it seems sort of a shame that i don't. i just thought about deleting this think and then decided to write on it instead. i mean what if someone somewhere wants to know what we're up to these days? as of right now we're up to not a whole lot of interesting.

but if you know me you know that i got engaged to my longtime boyfriend in february/march (it all depends on how you look at it) and got married june 1. so i'm married now! which is still pretty surreal. sometimes it seems totally normal, and then sometimes someone is like how did you meet your husband? and i'm like how did i meet my who? and then there's all those times i accidentally almost call him my boyfriend. awkward.

i've had my wedding pictures for over a week and still haven't looked at them because i'm SO BUSY with work and school and i don't have 3 hours to spare to drool over my pretty pictures. i am such a hog for pretty pictures, i won't lie. especially when i'm in them because i'm often not photogenic. (not being self-deprecating- i've been told that i am not. which means that i'm prettier in person so i guess that is ok.)

here's some proof that i bought a wedding dress! you know why i used this picture? because it's the only picture of me in my wedding dress that's on my desktop AKA readily available. 

maybe some other time i'll tell you about how dylan's wedding tie was stolen. 

my life is hard

this mourning was a rough morning. i got up early so i could go to work early. and i just noticed that i just wrote mourning instead of morning over there. i guess that's my subconscious coming out. 

today was a day that happens once every few months where i'm just absolutely driving the struggle bus. it took me 50 MINUTES TO PICK OUT AN OUTFIT!!!! what the fuh. most frustrating and embarrassing thing in the world. hate my life. do you ever have those mornings where you just hate everything in your closet? like you're embarrassed you have such a pathetic slosh of clothing articles? today was that day for me. hating everything i own. agh!! it's all so ugly!! and why does it all look so ugly on me?!?! i seriously put on like 5 different outfits. and it's snowing so that limits my choices even more. and i want to get some new shoes, like shoes that i see everyone wearing (sort of lace up boot type shoes that just go a bit past your ankle) but i have no idea of where to buy them because i don't see them anywhere. those would have been perfect this morning. but no. i bought grey chords for my birthday in september and for whatever reason i loved them in that moment that i bought them and i HATE THEM NOW. they look terrible on me. i was just looking through this whole mess of stuff where i was like i paid a lot of money for that and i hate it. what is wrong with me. i just want a whole new batch. blargh. 

my play is going well. but also killing me. like actually though. it's sucking the very life/energy out of me. because now since i started teaching/directing my play i have 13.5 hour long days (going to school/teaching/working/rehearsing) tuesday-thursday. (okay, okay. on mondays and fridays it's only 10 hours.) and i'm teaching 5 elementary school classes a week, which is also taking quite the toll on my energy. but i have learned quite a lot about kids from this. namely that they love to hug you, which is sweet (i literally got hug dog-piled last week. like a legit hug attack of like 20 children that knocked me over.) but they also have no filter and you never know what will come out of their little mouths. this is both a good and bad thing. both really funny, and sometimes really startling. also they have no problem (especially between the ages of 8-11) telling you to your face how much they hate what you're making them do. children are such interesting creatures.

also

i think that i have an anger issue. a few weeks ago i noticed that someone had broken the back tail light on my car and i had already drafted the facebook status i was going to post:

"to whichever jag just hit my car and broke the tail light before driving away, i hope your car explodes from a car bomb." then i had a little thought that i should call my brother to see if he knew anything about it. he did. he had done it and forgotten to tell me. hmmmm.

in case you were wondering, i did not get to work early today. maybe one day i won't feel like i'm running like 100 hours behind of where i need to be. maybe. 

see!!! my life is hard!!!!

just a quick thought

goat cheese is gross. 

it is my humble opinion that these things should NOT be making cheese or milk. and if they are it certainly should not be on or in my food. or mouth. it just shouldn't. 


that's it. 

what has my life become?

i don't know what i want this blog to be or become, so perhaps that's why it hasn't been anything at all for the past 6 months. i know it's why. the only knowledge or wisdom that i have to impart is about bros. so you know, nothing really important. BUT i did get a lot of you to read my blog for the first time ever, so i guess i should feel good about that. and in a way i do, because i said what needed to be said. again- i consider it a public service. 

my life has turned into a million things since i've written. i'm finally getting to make movies at work! like really make them. not just vaguely help. or help with one or two ideas. this week my movie was released! granted, it's only 28 seconds, but i'm really proud of it. i came up with the idea, and my incredibly delightful friend lauren and i then wrote the script, shot it, directed it, and produced it! she did the vast majority of the editing, and ryan composed the music for us. it feels really great. i love collaborating with talented people and i really hope a few other videos we made (that we couldn't release) will soon make it into the public eye. it's rewarding. and i'm not in many shows these days (ahem, or any) so i feel validated by the film work/contributions i'm making. 

ALSO i'm directing my show this semester. my senior project. the culmination of my education, really. i'm so nervous. but i'm also excited. it's dominating my entire life right now. it's owning me. so that's also why i'm not acting at all right now. besides the fact that i have basically had school/work from 9-7 every night, and there is no way i have any life time to rehearse. 

ALSO- you might have observed my incredibly attractive boyfriend in my video. i really love him a lot. especially that he's FINALLY back from his mission. he loves me despite the fact that i'm just a huge, crazy stressball, and sometimes just all-around insane. i'm so odd, but he is always there for me. not to get all emotional and annoying, but i appreciate him endlessly. he stands by me through my endless sass and attitude. 

 i don't want to make anyone vomit, and i hate being publicly presh so i'll only post 2 pictures of us.

so that's my biggest of life changes. i also don't wear makeup anymore. or maybe like once a week. or once every other week as was demonstrated by this past fortnight. as demonstrated here:

whoops, looks like i snuck in another one

but i stopped wearing it because it didn't really matter to dylan. he can never really tell when i'm wearing it and when i'm not. well, that's not true. when i am it'll be a few hours that we've been together and then he'll say hey! you're wearing makeup! so if it didn't matter to him i thought that maybe it shouldn't matter to me too much. but a big part of the reason why i've always worn makeup was to feel good about myself. so does that mean that i've been using makeup as a crutch in my life? well, yeah, it kinda does. and i didn't really like that. so these past 4 months of my make-up free life i've grown to love myself more, and how i look. and i've started to not be able to tell that big of a difference between my face when i am and am not wearing makeup. i really encourage it! i feel like it fosters self-confidence. while at first i thought everyone could tell i wasn't wearing makeup and would think that i was some type of freak, i soon realized that wasn't a thing at all. it wasn't reality. i have bad, frumpy days like everyone. but at least i don't feel like i'm relying on a sort of mask to help me feel good about myself on a daily basis. 

anyway, i think that's enough for today.